WEDDING OF MY EX
A ChrisEffe Romance
© Aaron Ansah-Agyeman
The Klever Magg
BAWA RESIDENCE – EVENING
Chris emerges from his bathroom dressed in black trousers, shoes and an unbuttoned white shirt.
He hums a love ballad as he fixes his cuff links. His door opens, and his mother enters.
She is a buxom elderly beauty, and that morning she is dressed in a fetching kaba and slit design with a matching headgear.
She is holding a golden bracelet.
Dear, can you fix this for me?
Chris takes the bracelet.
She extends her wrist and he fixes it.
Are we running late? You better hurry up. You know how anxious Ruth can be when we’re late to her dinners. It won’t do to start displeasing your mother-in-law so early.
Chris chuckles as he begins to button his shirt. He tucks in, and smiles again as his mother inspects herself in his huge mirror.
How does your mother look, my son?
As beautiful as ever, Mom. You’re always beautiful.
(smiles happily, turns and busses both his cheeks.)
Hurry up then, my love. I’ll be waiting for you in the living-room.
She leaves the room, and the smile disappears from Chris’ face.
He knots his tie absent-mindedly, and just then his phone rings.
It is Effe.
Chris does not pick the call.
He speaks in a distressed whisper.
Oh, Effe. My dear, sorry for breaking off our date tonight. So sorry!
He picks up the phone and stares at it for a long time even after it has stopped ringing.
He sighs, and then he quickly sends a text message to Effe to the effect that some uncontrollable situation has arisen and he cannot see her that night.
And then he switches off his phone.
He descends to the living-room and finds his mother watching a sermon on television.
She reaches for the remote control and switches off the television.
You look so handsome, my son. Your in-laws would be happy as always. I think Elaine has got the most handsome man in the world for a husband.
You do know how to make a man feel good, Mom. Thanks.
Putting his right arm around his mother, Chris steers her out of the door.
BOATENG’S RESIDENCE – NIGHT
The Boateng compound is filled with people. Chris and his mother are met by a well-dressed attendant and escorted through a side door to the garden.
Beautiful chairs and tables are arranged nicely on the lush green grass.
There is a lovely glass-topped dining-table in the middle, and this has five high-backed excellently-crafted chairs behind it.
The guests are either sitting down or standing. They are holding drinks and munching on sweet pastries.
Chris surveys the sizeable crowd with dismay on his face.
What’s it, dear? It looks like you’ve seen a ghost.
I thought it was going to be a quiet evening, with us as the only guests. Didn’t know it’s a house party.
Oh, Chris, stop being so dramatic. You know Ruth likes to do things in style. Anyway, they’re also celebrating twenty-five years of marriage and invited a few friends.
And you didn’t tell me, Mama? I remember you telling me they invited only us, and how inappropriate it would be if I didn’t come?
You didn’t want to come, dear. I was sure if you had known it was a get-together you would’ve stayed away.
I had other plans, Mom.
It’s okay, son. You had to be here. Elaine came from Accra just to be with you, and it seems to me that your plans doesn’t include her nowadays. Secondly, it is her parents’ anniversary and you should be here. Look, drop it for now. Let’s join them.
Chris still looks angry.
Mrs. Ruth Boateng joins them and speaks happily.
Lois, my sweetest, welcome!
She hugs her friend warmly.
(Holding a glass of wine approaches and extends a hand to Chris.)
Chris, my boy, you do look great tonight! Welcome, welcome!
Come on, come on. You’re sitting with us at the high table. We were just waiting for you. Now where’s Elaine?
Madam Lois gives Chris a meaningful look as she follows the couple into the garden.
Chris follows them.
Suddenly his arm is gripped hard from behind and he turns.
It is Steve, dressed in an excellent tuxedo.
Chris’ face lights up with pleasure immediately.
What the dilly-yoo, man! What’s gwan? Thought you were with your latest catch, what’s her name, Mimi? Didn’t you tell me you’re putting the works on her tonight?
Dawg that broad. Turns out she’s dating a damn cop, and he’s an Inspector-General or something like that. Almost got my cheeks ripped off when that fat cow followed her to my ghetto last night.
Been telling you to simmer down, Romeo. You’re gonna get your butt roasted if you keep chasing the pretty skirts.
Let me worry about my problems. You’ve got one huge bomb on your hands right now, dude.
Let’s set the parameters first, dude. Now, have you told Effe about Elaine?
No. I planned to do that this night, but then the old lady kinda forced me to cancel out on Effe and come here instead.
And of course Elaine doesn’t know you are now dating Effe.
I am not dating Effe, dude. To her we’re just good friends.
And to you?
I’ll tell you this, because you’re more than a brother to me. I think I’ve fallen in love with Effe.
Steve looks staggered.
He empties his glass and beckons to a waiter holding a tray.
He puts his empty glass on the tray and picks a new drink.
Boy, you’re trying to look down the neck of a bottle with both eyes, and one of your eyes is sure to pop if you continue playing around like that.
Hey, belt it. I’m trying to get my act together and find a way out.
Then you better find an excuse and leave here right now, or you’re gonna get burned.
What the heck are you talking about?
Effe is here.
(stunned, gapes at his friend without speaking for a moment.)
You heard me right. Effe is right here with her father.
Oh Lord, no. You are kidding me, right?
Never been more serious in my life.
Oh, grapes! This is bad, really bad! But how did that happen? Why are they here?
I spoke to her. Small world, see? That’s why I’m always telling you to get your shit together. Turns out Mr. Opoku and Mr. Boateng, your two fathers-in-law, for now, shared the same dormitory at the university, and they were both SRC executives. They got together on Facebook, and Mr. Boateng invited his old friend here to the party. Unknown to each of them, you’re banging both their daughters.
Cut the rot, man, I’m up to my neck here in some bad trouble. Why the hell didn’t you call me when you found out?
(Steve half-empties his glass and points a stiff forefinger at Chris.)
Tried a zillion times. Your phone was on vacation in the Bahamas, you fool. First rule in the Player’s Basic Book of Survival is this: never switch off your damn phone!
My phone was off? Oh, yeah, when I sent Effe a text message I switched it off. Damn!
And speaking of trouble, here comes the first salvo, dude.
Chris turns. Elaine is walking towards him smiling happily.
My Prince finally decided to come wake me up with a kiss.
She puts her arms around his neck and holds him tight.
Chris, my breath. I missed you so much.
Elly. You look beautiful.
She draws his head down and brushes his lips with hers.
Lord, I’ve missed you, wrestler. Wish we could disappear into my room for a while. My body aches for your bullying.
Behave, darling. People are watching.
He steps back, and his eyes automatically searches for people who have seen their show of affection.
Standing a few metres behind Elaine is Effe.
Steve is standing beside her.
Steve shrugs and shakes his head sadly.
Effe looks so devastated and shattered.
She looks at Elaine, then at Chris, then back to Elaine.
There is sudden pain on Chris face as he sees the unbearable pain on Effe’s face, and the tears that suddenly roll down her lovely cheeks.
Chris’ heart screams in agony!