Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships, however, lack of confidence is what traps people in bad relationships.

Self-esteem isn’t an essential need like food or water, but it’s a supplement that can either dramatically improve your life, or keep you stunted and unfulfilled.

Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends.

Here are ten things people with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships;

● Confident women don’t analyze if he likes them — they assume he does: People with high self-esteem believe they are worthy of love and don’t question how someone feels about them. They know that they are good, competent, and lovable and trust that the right person for them will see this. They don’t attach their worth to what a guy thinks and, as a result, don’t feel stressed and anxious when a guy’s feelings are unclear. Instead, they assume he likes them and are able to be present in the relationship and enjoy it without being weighed down by fears and doubts.

●  Confident people realize if a relationship falls apart it’s because it wasn’t right, not because they did something wrong: Not everyone is a match and sometimes, two people are just incompatible. This doesn’t make either of them flawed or bad — sometimes it’s just not there.

● Confident women don’t take it personally when a guy doesn’t want a romantic relationship. They realize that it must not be the right match and they move on, with their sense of self firmly intact.

●  Confident women set healthy boundaries: Healthy personal boundaries and high self-esteem go hand in hand. Having strong boundaries means you prioritize your needs and your emotions and do not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs and emotions. Confident women know what they will and will not accept and don’t allow themselves to be pressured or guilted into doing things they don’t want to do. They act in accordance with who they are and what they believe and don’t cater their behaviour for a guy, or do things solely to keep him interested and happy.

● Confident women trust themselves and the decisions they make: A key component of having high self-esteem is trusting yourself to make the right choices while also realizing you are well equipped to cope should things go awry. People with high self-esteem don’t constantly question their actions and feel conflicted about the right thing to say or do. They act on how they feel and are comfortable being their true, authentic selves.

● Confident women don’t show off or talk themselves up: Confident people don’t need to tell the world how great they are. Only insecure people secretly feel that they are unworthy and feel the need to hide this by bragging about their achievements or talking themselves up. A woman who reveals herself gradually, carefully peeling back the layers over time, is significantly more attractive than a woman who lays it all out there.

● Confident women accept responsibility: Confident people accept responsibility for their actions and emotions. They don’t blame or shame their partners if they feel unhappy and don’t accuse him of “making” them feel a certain way. They don’t blame men for being jerks and they don’t view themselves as the victims of other people and circumstances. They take responsibility for their choices, both good and bad, and use mistakes as opportunities to grow and become even better.

● Confident women take the relationship for what it is and don’t need it to be a certain way: Confident people feel secure in their relationships. They don’t need to have a title or a ring as some sort of confirmation that the guy cares. They are able to just be present and in the relationship and let it unfold organically, without force or pressure. This is not to say they stay with guys who won’t commit and are all cool and go-with-the-flow about it. If a guy can’t commit in the way they want, then they’ll move on. They are able to give and receive freely in their relationships and as a result, they don’t stress out about labels.

● Confident women don’t stay in bad relationships: Confident people do not stay in relationships where they don’t feel respected, appreciated, and valued. And they don’t assume full responsibility if a relationship isn’t working and take it upon themselves to try to solve the problem by giving and doing more. They aren’t afraid to walk away when something isn’t working and the thought that they won’t be able to find better or that they will wind up alone doesn’t cross their mind. The can quickly see when a situation is damaging and will remove themselves immediately.

● Confident women don’t desperately seek reassurance: People with high self-esteem know they are loved and lovable. They don’t need a guy to remind them every day — it’s just something they feel and know. When you are insecure, you need constant validation and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you. You blame him for “making you” feel insecure in the relationship, or unloved. You may work harder to try to please him and earn his love, or you may withhold your love and affection to even the score. This manifests as neediness (the number one relationship killer): you need constant reassurance and if you don’t get it, you lash out and blame your partner for not providing it.

● Confident women choose wisely: Confident people use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved.

If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either.

● Confident people value and accept themselves for who they are.


If you are still single, there are many things that may attract you to a man or woman for marital relationship which has nothing to do with marriage, but you may be willfully ignorant of them. Here is the list of such things:

When you see a brother who plays a musical instrument very well or a young lady or man who has a good voice, and you feel attracted to the person for marital relationship, now what does singing or musical instrument has to do with marriage? It is called single ignorance. You may not realize this until you get into marital relationship or you get married that you will know that what attracted you to the person in the first instance has nothing to do with having a successful marriage at all!

This is very funny, but to many singles out there, it is not funny at all. It is rather a costly ignorance. When you are attracted to a man because he knows how to dress very well, or to a lady because she has straight legs, because the person is tall, slim, light skinned, or because the person has good set of teeth, long hair, or a good smile, you are under the influence of common singles’ ignorance, because none of these things have anything to do with having a good marriage.
If you go into marital relationship or get married wrongly to a person because of physical attraction, when the agony of bad marriage overwhelms you, you will wish to use cutlass to cut off the straight legs or whatever that lured you to the person.

In the book of Proverbs 31: 30, the Bible says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” If you are single and you are still overwhelmed with single exorbitance, this Bible verse will not make any sense to you. You will feel like, “No o, beauty is something to me o. I want to marry a beautiful woman, that is my longtime dream.” Or “I want to marry a handsome man; in fact I can’t marry no other than that.” And you even quote Bible to it that God gives good things to His children. You know what? To the single, beauty is something or everything, but to the married, beauty is nothing.
If you see a beautiful lady or a handsome young man, and you are attracted to the person for marital relationship, because of the beauty, you know what? You are under the influence of single ignorance which will soon clear from your eyes when you get into it.
Physical beauty has nothing to do with a good or happy marriage. If physical beauty has anything to contribute to happy marriage, why do celebrities have more divorce rate? Why do most men with beautiful wives still cheat on their wives or abuse them physically or verbally? It is simply because physical beauty has nothing to do with having a good marriage, and just as the Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 that beauty is passing – meaning the impression that the beauty of the person has on you will later pass away in marriage and you will face the reality.

If you marry somebody because the person is rich or have a good job or business, after you get married, you then realize that God already destined you to prosper on your own without the person. Then you will wish you married the right person and prospered together. When you marry somebody because of their financial or material influence, you will not have respect for the person and you will not have rest of mind.  Later you will realize that you could have made it rich without the person, that you could have married the poor right person and made it together.
When you see a couple in a brand new latest SUV, and they wear same design; When you see a couple spending their vacation or summer in an expensive place outside country, and you envy them and wish you have such marriage, What a fool! You don’t know that all those things have nothing to do with happy home. Money, materials and others have nothing to do with a good and Godly home. For example, there is no amount of money your husband may have that can console you when you realize he is cheating on you.
If you are attracted to a lady because she has a good job or a man because he has money and good car, it means you have not known what marriage is all about. Do you know that more rich people commit suicide than the poor? Do you know that more wealthy couples divorce than poor couples? Do you know that money does not give joy and satisfaction in marriage? You may not believe this until you get into it; this is a common ignorance among the singles.
It is unfortunate that many singles are getting into marriage with complete ignorance of the priorities of marriage and with mistaken facts about marriage.

Another common ignorance among singles in choosing a partner in marriage is education. You want to marry, and you have this idol of level of education in your heart that the lady you want to marry must be educated or the man you want to marry must not have lesser level of education than you. When you ignore the perfect Will of God for your life because he is not as educated as you want or because her academic qualification is too low, and you feel, “How will people feel that after all my education I now marry this person with low academic qualification.” Will it not sound well for people to hear that the person you want to marry graduated from so-so university, or s/he is a Dr, Lawyer, Engr. Etc.? You know what? People you are trying to impress by marrying a wrong ‘educated’ person will not be there with you in the marriage when the tragedy of wrong marriage starts to press on you.

Do you want to marry someone from a particular tribe or you want to marry the perfect Will of God for your life? Will it not be so painful that the heart-breaking wrong person you marry is of same tribe with you or so peaceful that the loving, Godly and right person you marry is from another tribe? Which one is better for you?
It is funny when I hear people say they must marry from their tribe as if they have not seen the worst husbands or wives from that tribe of theirs; as if marrying from their tribe is more important than marrying in the Lord.

When you allow your parents to choose for you instead of allowing God to choose for you or when you choose to marry somebody because his or her parents are good or Godly; If you go into marital relationship with somebody because it is the wish of your parents or because the parents of the person are ministers, popular, or powerful in the society, such is called ignorance of the singles. When you enter into the wrong marriage, your parents or the parents of your spouse will not be there with you.

If you don’t want to marry and mar your life, destiny, ministry and eternity, but you want to marry and make it in life, and make heaven, then the only person you can marry and never regret is the person who is the Will of God for you. God has created a person for you that fits your life, destiny and God’s program for you and that is who is called the Will of God in marriage. If you miss the right school, the right career or the right job, please do not miss the right person God has created for you because if you miss him/her, you may miss everything including heaven.

1, Surrender your life to Jesus. Only in Christ can you have the Will of God when you are genuinely saved.

2, Surrender your will and ways to God. Let His Will be your will and His Way be yours, no idol.

3, Seek Him for guidance. Lean not on your own understanding

4, Settle for God’s Perfect Will, not His permissive Will.

5, Stay pure till marriage. No premarital inordinate affection or sexual immorality.

Here is the word of God – Isaiah 1:19, 20:

“If you are willing and obedient, You shall eat the good of the land;

20 But if you refuse and rebel, You shall be devoured by the sword”; For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.


In a relationship, whether married or still in courtship, there are things you should not tell another person. You never know who will be the Judas over your relationship. There are high secrets you have to keep only to yourself.

  1. Don’t tell anybody how weak your partner is. Someone may use it against them.

  2. Don’t tell people how much you quarrel with your partner, make them see it as perfect from outside while you settle issues from inside.

  3. Don’t tell even a best friend how much you get as pocket allowance from your husband, if they ask tell them that he’s giving more than you expected.

  4. Men don’t tell your friends how good your wife is in bed, that’s a secret between you and your wife.

  5. Don’t ever tell your mother the way he or she is acting in the marriage, you won’t like the outcome if she’s a jealous Mother inlaw.

  6. Ladies, a friend may be eyeing your hubby and that’s why you shouldn’t tell them what moves him most.

  7. Even your pastor is not worthy to know how many times you quarrel with your husband, most of them will use it as sermon. Just talk to God alone.

  8. Don’t tell the children that their father is a bad man. It can make them hate him.

  9. Don’t tell anybody your partner’s past mistakes, it is too risky for your marriage.

  10. Don’t tell anyone to try seducing your partner to prove their loyalty. They may end up winning their love


If there is any topic that is vastly misunderstood in our time, is the topic of love. So many people who use that word love, do not necessary. know the meaning of the word. Some have equated their emotions, feelings, body chemistry, and desires to love.
Have you ever wondered why a relationship or marriage that was built on “strong love”, (romance, chemistry, connections, feelings, emotions etc.) lands in divorce or bitter separation at the end of the day? Well, I have asked myself that question a couple of times.
What Is discovered is that, most people that claim to love, do not really know what true love is. They have responded to their body chemistry, hormones, feelings, etc. thinking its love. However that is not the kind of love that can keep a relationship or marriage together in the time of storm.

  1. True Love is not emotions

  2. True Love is a choice

  3. True Love is the response to understanding the value of a thing

  4. True Love is a force generated by a decision.

  5. True Love is a decision to commit to meet the needs of another person without any expectation.

  6. True Love is caring – anticipating a need and meeting it.

  7. True Love is the manifestation of the inherent Nature of God through the human Spirit
    That is why you should not just marry someone only because you love them, I mean just  excited about them. Better put, because you have that butterflies feelings in your stomach.

Yes, such love alone does not keep marriage together.
You need to know and understand the purpose of marriage. You have to understand what it means to be a woman or man. You have to understand how to handle crisis. You have to know how to live with another person. You have to be ready to forgive.
Without proper knowledge, it is difficulty or even impossible to build a lasting relationship or marriage. Always know this; you don’t have to marry to be happy. Marriage is a choice and not a must!
It is not a command from God but rather an option. There is nowhere in the bible where God said, you must be married to be happy, fulfill purpose ,None
If you choose to marry, when to marry and who to marry should totally be your decision to make and not what anyone or the society pressurizes you to do. Yes you might need guardians and advice but the decision must be yours.
If you are not happy as a single, you cannot be happy married. If you are not fulfilled as a single, marriage will not bring you that fulfillment. It is risky to go into marriage without knowing who you are or discovering your purpose. Yes marriage can change your last name but will not change.