USE YOUR BRAIN INSTEAD OF YOUR HEART WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING A LIFE TIME PARTNER. “JUST FOR MY SINGLE SISTERS AND BROTHERS

ROMANCE LOVE == Romantic love and real love are to separate and distinct conditions. Real love is a decision to seek the good of other no matter the cost.
Romance is a normal, natural part of most healthy relationships. The time has come to stop giving romantic love so much credit. “ROMANTIC LOVE TELLS YOU NOTHING ABOUT ONE’S CHARACTER, AND IT IS EXTREMELY UNRELIABLE AS A METHOD FOR DETERMINING THE VALIDITY OR HEALTH OF A RELATIONSHIP”. Romantic love is a temporary glue that gives us time to evaluate the person we are with, to consider the more important issues of character and responsibility. “BALANCE ROMANCE WITH COMMON SENSE, REASON AND DISCERNMENT. YOU MUST USE HEAD IN MATTERS OF OF THE HEART”
BRAINS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE. B.R.A.I.N

1.B – BALANCE THE HEAD AND THE HEART – List all the pros and cons of the relationship. Then list how you benefit each other-and how you hurt each other. I know that on an emotional and physical level you have the right stuff, that chemistry but still, you need to scrutinize the big picture.
2. R – REFRAIN FROM PHYSICAL INTIMACY – I f you have been sexual active in the past, this may sound crazy and might be difficult for you to do at first, but in the long run you will be extremely glad you did. How do you refrain from getting too physical? Start off slowly. Don’t hold hands, kiss, or hug. The longer you can refrain from physical contact, the more special it will be when it actually happens. This will help you to build a solid foundation in the early stages of the relationship. Once you get sexual, the friendship side of your relationship suffers and sometimes falls apart.
3. A – ANALYZE YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS – Nothing will help you learn more about your relational strengths, growth areas, and particularly the unhealthy patterns that seem to recur more than taking an inventory of your past relationship.
Think about analyzing your previous relationships as you would watch a game films-to change your game plan if it’s not helping you. Ask yourself, HOW DID WE MEET? WHAT DID WE DO RIGHT? WHAT WAS GOOD ABOUT THAT RELATIONSHIP? Also ask questions about your ex-partner. To what kind of people do I tend to be attracted? what are their positives and negatives characteristics. INCLUDE ALL RELATIONSHIPS AND COMPARE THEM LOOKING FOR DISTINCT PATTERN.
4. I – INCLUDE OTHERS IN THE PROCESS – When you are in a relationship it’s easy to get so wrapped up in the emotions of being in love that you ignore red flags. John Wesley was in a group.. the group made a pact not to marry someone unless each member of the group agreed this was an appropriate choice. Wesley picked a woman against their choice and ended up having a horrible marriage-his wife left him. LOVE CAN MAKE YOU DO CRAZY THINGS. NEVER IGNORE THE INPUT OF FRIENDS. I suggest that you appoint at least two people to be on the look-out while you are involved in a serious relationship.
5. N – NEVER NEGLECT OPPORTUNITIES TO EVALUATE – One of the most neglected parts of a relationship is evaluation. Once you include others in the process of analysis, you will have time to think about their words of caution or affirmation and compare them to what you believe is true. Ask yourself these;
a. Do I enjoy this person as a friend?
b. Is there mutual giving and sharing?
c. Is there any aspect of his/her life that I can’t tolerate.
d. Could I enjoy spending time with this person if we abstain from physical contact.
e. Do I feel affirmed or challenged by this person.
f. In what ways do we benefit each other.
Use these questions and others along the way to give yourself a relationship inspection.

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​TO ALL THE SINGLE LADIES. HOW MUCH DO YOU COST?

Women need to understand that the value they place on themselves has a lot to do with the kind of love they receive. Not everything in life has a price, yet everything in life costs.”Salvation is free, but it costs you your life” A man’s reluctance to commit may actually be the lack of necessity to commit. If the cost of being with you is not high enough…..a man might have a multiple relationships.

COST PROHIBITS EXPERIMENT – Suppose you are in a restaurant and the waitress says “we have meat pie and for today only they are free would you like one?” …….suppose the waitress informs you that you could try one of the pie for fifty Ghana cedis. You would probably refuse bcos fifty cedis is too much for a taste test. This ought to be your motto “no sex before marriage” or “I have the sex drive but have no license to drive”

Men always use women who don’t know their value. This happens bcos women often look to man for affirmation or validation. Realize that your value does not increase according to what you have. Your value increase according to your depth of character. Having a man is not what gives you value. Your value was established and stated by God before you even got here. Do you understand your value and your worth? God said,”let us make man in our own image and likeness”

WHO CAN FIND A VIRTUOUS WIFE? FOR HER WORTH IS FAR ABOVE RUBIES PRO 31;10 Only God can lower the cost.

Selling yourself short or cheap could hinder a possible relationship down the road.. Why should someone pay full price for what someone else got on sale? Sister, you need to know that intimate relationship with a man that didn’t demand his commitment can cheapen you in eyes of a future prospect

“A MAN ACTUALLY FEELS DEFRAUDED BY THE MAN WHO HAD SEX WITH HIS WIFE BEFORE HE MET HER”

ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF DATING OLDER WOMEN

Why would a man want to date an older woman? Well, older women are
often more mature, and financially independent, but they can also be better
lovers and usually won’t mess with your head too much. These are just
some of the positive aspects of dating an older woman.
It is still quite typical, almost cliche to see an older man with a much
younger woman. There is still ways to go before the idea of a woman
dating a man much younger than her becomes fully accepted.
It’s time that men start realizing the benefits of dating older women. A lot of
the time, we complain that women don’t know what they want and that
they’re high maintenance. Well, why not change things up and try dating
women that can appreciate some of the different things a man has to offer.
For instance, let’s take the example of a man in his mid-twenties who dates
a woman in her early or mid-thirties; it is likely that he will go through an
enriching life changing experience. Your average twenty-year-old woman is
energetic, ambitious and out to get things done. Now, you take a woman in
her thirties, chances are she’s lived a little more. She’s learned that the
world isn’t all it was cracked up to be, and she’s less likely to be over-enthusiastic about driving twenty miles to go to dance clubs that charge a
twenty dollar cover and serve cherry flavored water.
This means that in exchange for peace of mind, you have to be willing to
accept some of the implications that may come with dating an older woman.
More often than not, however, the advantages overwhelmingly surpass the
drawbacks.
.
The Cons/Disadvantages 
.
Let’s start with the not-so-good news.
.
Commitment and Biological Clocks : There’s nothing wrong with a May-September relationship because a woman has as much right as a man to like
someone younger. To find that perfect older woman, you might have to
consider her plans to start a family. Remember, her biological clock is
ticking real fast. Since she wants to date a young man, however, there might
be a chance that she just wants to have fun with an energetic man without
having to worry about having babies. So before jumping into a relationship,
find out if she’s looking to have kids right away.
.
Past Baggage: Along with those great years of sexual experience, some
unresolved issues and excess baggage may come attached to the package
and should be considered because well, life happens.
Ex-boyfriends, husbands, children, ex-step-children, pending divorces,
business pressures, financial obligations, and debts can often be part of the
package.
You must be ready and willing to accept this reality if you are going to get
romantically linked with an older woman. This is not to say that you will be
asked to deal with these issues per se; rather, you must realize that an older
woman generally has more to worry about than that bushy-tailed co-ed at
your dorm.
.
Mrs. Robinson: One cannot deny the allure of the older woman, younger man
relationship. But, this relationship remains slightly taboo, unlike the other way
around, where the man is much older than the woman, which still to this day
remains more widely acceptable. After all, no one raised an eyebrow when
Catherine Zeta-Jones married Michael Douglas.
Like it or not, by getting involved with an older woman, you are putting
yourself in a situation where the moral majority — people like your parents
and boss — might frown upon you and question your decision. On the up
side, you may become your buddies’ hero, and they will start begging you to
reveal what it’s like.
In any case, people will talk. If you are secure enough in the relationship, or
you actually like the attention, then by all means, proceed.
.
The cougar: While we’re on the topic of what people will think, keep in mind
that older women have been dubbed ” cougars ” and they get a bad rep. In
this type of relationship, it seems the woman is often in control. Some think
that a woman who dates a younger man does so because she can easily
manipulate him; that the man in question will be so awestruck by her
attention that he will go along with whatever she says. But this is only a
myth and certainly does not necessarily apply to every situation.
.
The Pros/Advantages
.
On to the good news: the benefits of dating the cougar.
.
Experience: It’s amazing what an extra ten years of experience can teach
you. Older women don’t beat around the bush (they let you do that). They
know exactly what they want and they know what to do to get it.
A man is terrible when it comes to taking the time and effort to figure out
what a woman really wants. An older woman has learned not to waste
precious time waiting for the man in the shining armor to sweep her off her
feet.
More often than not, an older woman has faced her insecurities and fears
head on, and has dealt with them to the best of her abilities. She likely has
enough life experience to know what matters and what doesn’t.
Consequently, she’s above the petty nonsense that drives you crazy about
women your own age. An older woman has figured out what looks good on
her, and knows enough about male-female relationships to not bother you
with feminine trivialities that usually serve to turn men off.
Older women have the self-confidence that could only come from experience
and the knowledge that they can handle whatever life throws their way. That
is not to say that they never have a bad day, but merely that it’s probably
due to something more than the fact that they have a pimple and a party to
go to that night.
.
Independence : Older women are often more established in their careers and
rely less on a man to support them or a potential future family. An older
woman’s independence is a strong stress reliever for any man. This takes
away some of the pressure from a man’s shoulder to support the relationship
(i.e. you won’t go broke).
There are exceptions to the rule of course but generally the more professional
experience she has, the more ability she has to pay for her way.
.
Maturity : Older women know how to appreciate the truer things in life. They
don’t play head games and don’t value the materialistic ideals that are
pushed through the media. You might be happy to find out that it’s possible
to carry a meaningful conversation without worrying too much about
discussing trivialities. You also don’t have to worry about returning her home
before midnight to meet a curfew.
The benefit of dating an older woman is especially apparent on vacations.
Younger women sometimes have the tendency wanting to always want to do
something. They might say silly things like, “We paid all this money to be
here, we should make the most of it.” This is a phrase that no man in his
right mind ever wants to hear. A man goes on vacation to drink over-priced
beer while sitting in a Jacuzzi contemplating what to order next at the all-you-can-eat restaurant.
.
Boy toy: Often, older women are newly divorced, and looking to have a good
time. Getting involved with a man who isn’t looking for a serious relationship
and wants to have fun is the perfect solution. Younger men have the stamina
and carefree attitude to satisfy their need for a wild ride. So, if you’re looking
to learn a thing or two between the sheets, look no further than an older
woman. After all, she’s no longer sexually inhibited, knows what she wants,
and probably has a few tricks up her sleeve.
.
Go for it
Well, I hope my little rant has helped open some minds, but most likely if
you’re a man, you probably weren’t listening, and if you’re a woman, you
already know I’m full of rubbish. I encourage most men to give this whole
idea a second thought, I bet you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches.
In the end, it’s up to you to weigh the pros and cons of such a relationship
and decide if it is right for you right now.

PROBLEM WITH DATING SYSTEM

PROBLEM WITH DATING SYSTEM” –

 

For the past 5 years, I have been talking on the “dangers in dating” – It hasn’t always been the most popular doctrine, but it has been received with some interesting reactions. In my opinion based upon experience and observation, our system of dating today is poisonous.
1. It promotes the isolation from others.
2. It promotes increased sexual desire
3. It causes jealousy
4. It often results in shallow relationship-it often skip the friendship development and heads immediately to the physical aspect
5. Dating often stuns the spiritual, mental and emotional growth
6. It often result in unnecessary hurt and disappointment.
7. Dating actually creates an artificial environment that makes it impossible for evaluating a person’s character-anyone can look good for a night or two when putting their best foot forward
8. Dating often promotes unhealthy patters for marriage-“rarely does it promotes marriage”, but often established patters that easily lead to divorce.
9. Our dating system often distorts the meaning of real love.
10. Dating often distract young people from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.

Six things you need to know about a man before you marry him. (Humor)

Humble-man

 

  1. Listen to him talk to his mother when he doesn’t know you’re listening.
  2. See how he treats those who serve him. (waiters, maids)
  3. Play game with him.
  4. Notice what he’s willing to spend his money to buy.
  5. Look at his friends. And if you still can’t make up your mind, then look at his shoes. A man who keeps his shoes in good repair generally tends to the rest of his life too.
  6. Look at the process of his decision making

WHEN A MARRIAGE GOES BAD

 Abraham Lincoln once said,”Marriage is nether heaven nor hell. It is simply purgatory.” …But an engaged couple might express an opposing viewpoint. No one enters into marriage with the expectation that their lives together will be mediocre. They aren’t expecting a tolerable coexistence. Rather, they enter matrimony with the anticipation that a lifetime of wedded “bliss” awaits them.

No marriage is ideal or easy. Perhaps Adam and Eve came the closet. (He didn’t have to hear about all of the other men she could have married–and she didn’t have to hear about how his mother cooked better). But even their blissful moments of marriage in the Garden of Eden were cut short by the intrusion of sin.

We live in a a fallen world where the infection of sin affects all of us, individually and as married couples. The ideal marriage that was hoped for on the wedding day can’t be found after the honeymoon. Why? Bcos neither the husband nor the wife is ideal to begin with. Each one is flawed, with his or her own idiosyncrasies. Immature neurotic traits do not evaporate when the wedding ring is slipped on the finger; they are actually magnified by the immature neurotic behaviors of the other spouse.

When a marriage begins to disintegrate, there is friction between the spouses. That dislocation of the relationship is always difficult to endure, but both individuals know that it will happen. The often unexpected and unarticulated pain of marriage, difficulties comes from a sense of disillusionment. At some point, each spouse will come to the shocking realization that their romantic dreams of matrimonial bliss are totally realistic. The wife is dejected bcos she had envisioned a continued courtship with lasting, loving attention from the man she married; this is how just a dashed. The husband is disconsolate bcos he has not received the love and respect he had assumed would always be forthcoming from his bride; the stark reality of it all hurts.

Where is God in all this? Can He be found? Or are those who suffer from a broken marriage relegated to the position of second class citizens in God’s eyes? The answer is a resounding “NO!”

Where a marriage is irrevocably broken or still hanging together by a thread, it is important to realize that a person’s needs will never be completely fulfilled by a spouse. That is an unreasonable and impossible expectation. While a loving spouse can be supportive in many ways, only God can provide you with  a sense of worth and wholeness. Don’t expect a spouse to provide what is available only from God. This means that all is not lost for the husband and wife after the marriage has terminated. God is still there, even if the spouse is not.

For those struggling marriages that still have a chance, the focus of each spouse needs to be outwardly directed. Instead of seeking personal fulfillment, the primary goal should be the fulfillment of the other spouse’s needs. Of course, this won’t be easy if the other spouse is uncooperative and not interested in reciprocating. But here again, God is the solution. He can provide the strength to show love to someone who is acting in an unloving manner.

IT IS OFTEN HEARD IN A WEDDING CEREMONY THAT A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS NOT A UNION OF TWO PEOPLE BUT RATHER A UNION OF THREE: A MAN, A WOMAN, AND GOD. THAT IS TRUE. God bless you

JUST FOR THE SINGLES…A must read

Sometimes people say, “I don’t want to commit until I can be sure this thing that worries me about you won’t be a problem.” I’ve heard variations of this from both men and women in my years as a couples therapist. Popular deal breakers include religion, money, kids, time, and sexuality. There’s no better way to scare off a potential partner than to suggest he or she is inadequate with respect to any of these, or to insist that partner prove himself/herself before security is assured. This kind of approach is doomed to failure.

I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU

It’s not just a “you” and “me” in our project. From now on; we are a “we” with everything that we have both been carrying and loving from our past and projecting into our future, with what we are acquiring along the way….!
TRUE MEANING OF MARRIAGE — It’s pretty easy to say “I’m getting married but what’s difficult is learning to live as a couple. In the long run, marriage is more than just a union of two people for the purpose of creating a family; it’s an irrevocable contract based on love and trust, which requires hard work on both parts.
The initial enthusiasm of the relationship is reduced and it lands in reality which is nothing more than reciprocal acceptance of the virtues and flaws in each other.
LIVING TOGETHER IS AN EXCELLENT WAY OF GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER — It provides the satisfaction of having everything with someone who lights up your life. DOMESTIC LOVE, ONES ESTABLISHED TURNS EVERYTHING INTO REALITY…Marriage can be compared to a school in which we learn the best thing in life: to give and to receive. LOVE MUST BE LEARN. THE LESSON REQUIRES TIME, BUT IF YOU PERSEVERE, YOU WILL LEARN. Isn’t that how we manage all the other aspect of our lives.
“At first we start getting to know each other and to interact, but it is only when we move in with our partner that we put the love lesson into practice”. Each one of you is an independent adult separate from the family in which you grew up, and each must learn new ways of relating in the context of this new family. THERE ARE RESTRICTIONS THAT LIVING TOGETHER AS A COUPLE IMPOSES — Being in a marriage requires that you limit certain activities that you had freely enjoyed as a single person to make the new relationship our priority. NB.-“THERE IS NO EASY PATH TO HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE, LOVE’S BIGGEST ENEMY IS SELFISHNESS, NOT YOUR PARTNER’S BUT YOUR OWN”. Differences in lifestyle should not develop into future conflicts they should be addressed beforehand and basic agreements and compromises should be made. EACH MEMBER OF THE COUPLE MUST FACE THE FACT THAT HE OR SHE IS NO LONGER LIVING AT HOME AS A CHILD. NOW YOU AR SOMEONE ELSE’S PARTNER AND THE TWO OF YOU WILL SHARE YOUR TIME, LOVE, MONEY AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

THE PERFECT PARTNER? MR. OR MRS. RIGHT?

Do you think you will ever know if you find the perfect man or woman?
No one is perfect. This, unfortunately, has been true ever since Adam ate the fruit in the garden. You will never find a partner who is perfectly smart, or perfectly anything. This does not, however, mean that you should settle for the first person who comes your way. I have always said that there are deep flaws and there are surface flaws. Surface flaws may include having a strange laugh, failing to put the toilet seat up or down, preferring American cars to German cars, or vice versa, and so on. These are flaws that, if you can live with them, are no big deal. Deep-down flaws, on the other hand, include a violent temper, physical or emotional abusiveness, an interest in pornography, dishonesty, drug or alcohol addiction, or unfaithfulness. These are traits that should make you run away– and run fast

PUT THE ENERGY ON HAVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

Once you establish an intimate relationship with someone, you will have a relationship with that person for the rest of your life. Part of that person will still be with you.
When a relationship doesn’t work it affects every aspect of your life. Sometimes the fear and upset can be so consuming that you lose all your effectiveness. You can’t move forward.Even your future relationships are affected. You carry the past wherever you go. Until you heal your relationship you will never be totally free. The anger and pain will follow you forever.
The nature of your relationship determines your ability to resolve issues. Couples who work against each other create a nightmare. Whereas couples who co-operate resolve their issues quickly. “When couples use lawyers and the courthouse to do their fighting, the situation becomes a disaster. Bringing in an adversarial attorney is like bringing in a poison. You make your situation worse.
Whenever you take action to come out on top, without regard to your partner, you create opposition against yourself. Your partner doesn’t like coming out second best any more than you do. So whenever you do something to put yourself first and your partner last, you force your partner to fight to protect him/herself from you.
When you resolve issues by forcing instead of co-operation you play “tug of war” with each others well being. The name of the game is survival. When there is no focus on resolving issues, they don’t get resolved, Conflict goes on and on with no end in sight. People think that if they just fight hard enough, then somehow the issues will get resolved in their favor. It just doesn’t work that way.
People spend a fortune in legal fees and lots of heartache to get what they could have worked out by themselves. To make matters worse, the divorce decree they have fought over isn’t worth much. You can have a decree an inch thick but it’s only as good as the relationship. Whenever someone is full of anger and resentment, some paper sign by a judge wont gain his/her co-operation. It wont make sure the decree is honored. If someone wants to get back at you, that person will find a way and the decree wont help one bit.
So, as a legal and common sense strategy, it is important to have your relationship work.

GOD BLESS YOU!