Once you establish an intimate relationship with someone, you will have a relationship with that person for the rest of your life. Part of that person will still be with you.
When a relationship doesn’t work it affects every aspect of your life. Sometimes the fear and upset can be so consuming that you lose all your effectiveness. You can’t move forward.Even your future relationships are affected. You carry the past wherever you go. Until you heal your relationship you will never be totally free. The anger and pain will follow you forever.
The nature of your relationship determines your ability to resolve issues. Couples who work against each other create a nightmare. Whereas couples who co-operate resolve their issues quickly. “When couples use lawyers and the courthouse to do their fighting, the situation becomes a disaster. Bringing in an adversarial attorney is like bringing in a poison. You make your situation worse.
Whenever you take action to come out on top, without regard to your partner, you create opposition against yourself. Your partner doesn’t like coming out second best any more than you do. So whenever you do something to put yourself first and your partner last, you force your partner to fight to protect him/herself from you.
When you resolve issues by forcing instead of co-operation you play “tug of war” with each others well being. The name of the game is survival. When there is no focus on resolving issues, they don’t get resolved, Conflict goes on and on with no end in sight. People think that if they just fight hard enough, then somehow the issues will get resolved in their favor. It just doesn’t work that way.
People spend a fortune in legal fees and lots of heartache to get what they could have worked out by themselves. To make matters worse, the divorce decree they have fought over isn’t worth much. You can have a decree an inch thick but it’s only as good as the relationship. Whenever someone is full of anger and resentment, some paper sign by a judge wont gain his/her co-operation. It wont make sure the decree is honored. If someone wants to get back at you, that person will find a way and the decree wont help one bit.
So, as a legal and common sense strategy, it is important to have your relationship work.



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