​MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK! !!!!!!

I used to interpret the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage? 
Beaming, she retorted;  My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that. 
You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always. 
Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his dresses he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours. 
I asked my old woman, so then what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT  SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!
When it becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn’t rattle. 
She continued, my son, never carry how rich or poor your family is into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman. 
Love only compels would- be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages. 
Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You can’t get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage. 
To cut the long story short, as too much cook spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes couple should resist at all cost in marriage:
1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only use you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God. 
2) Let the man be head financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually, whilst the woman exercise diligence in the use of the tongue. 
3) Children are not the ultimate in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life. 
There has never been any automatic barrenness in a person. Abraham got Ishmael at age 86 but at age 100 and 90, they eventually got their Isaac. Isaac had a barren family for 20 years but eventually got his twins; Jacob and Esau etc. 
4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not “Angels” in that marriage.avoid sleeping in separate rooms no matter your wealth.
5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes. Wife  should Pay attention to the words of their  husband in it you have wisdom for tomorrow.
6) Let the women ” Make up”  their characters much more than they make up their body. Appreciate your husband for whatever he is to you and your children.treat him as your Lord.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc. 
Make every effort to let that marriage work and may God help us. Amen.

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​THE FIRST PRINCIPLE OF DATING IS”GET A LIFE” (pt 1)

If you don’t get a life of your own, you won’t be happy even if you marry. Why? B’cos you will have nothing to give to the relationship, and you will drain your spouse. Inevitably, you will put extraordinary expectations on the other to fulfill you, complete you and make you happy. NO HUMAN CAN PERFORM UP TO THOSE EXPECTATIONS. ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT.

The very first principle is to “GET A LIFE” – What happen when someone decides to break the first principle of dating. You put your life on hold. You become so consumed with finding someone to give them a sense of significance that real life has taken a back seat.

What happen if you don’t get life;

a. DESPERATION. a desperate person has  sense of urgency about finding a mate. He’s starving for someone to fill the emotional hole. This sister was running off men right and left. She was beautiful and rich. Her urgent need to fill a void kept her from going slower in order to allow a more normal, natural process of bonding to occur. Unfortunately their urge-to-merge strategy scares off potential mates instead of attracting them.

b. DEPENDENCE. A dependent person gains a sense of significance and security through others. He must be attached to someone in order to feel good about himself. Dependent person will hang on to sick or bad relationship–when a dependent person enters a relationship, he usually sucks the lifeblood out of the other person – of course, as humans we all depend on other to some degree for certain needs-this is normal and healthy.

c. LONELINESS. Feelings of loneliness are the number one complaints of singles who buy into the notion that someone else can make them happy. This can take many forms, but generally it is a condition that affects the whole person – They are unhappy at their single state. The more lonely you feel, the more likely you are to withdraw.

d. DETACHMENT. This person has detached himself from vital social relationships; the desire to spend time with friends, get involved in the community. For some people after series of bad relationships, she began to withdraw to protect herself. Abigail, a vivacious woman in her early twenties was one of the most outgoing people you could ever meet. However, after a series of hurtful relationships, she began to withdraw to protect herself. Unfortunately, her well-intentioned plan backfired. She gained more weight, sabotaged old friendships and distanced herself from even family members.

Watch-out for pt 2

BEFORE YOU SAY I DO” (just for my singles)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
 Prince 9 years replied, no person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all the way before, and you got to find out who you’re stuck with.
WHEN PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE, we should gather the facts and learn as much about our potential mate as possible. We need to know the good and the bad. If a potential spouse holds back information and become secretive about various aspects of his/her life, warning bells should start ringing immediately.

WHEN PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE CONSIDER THESE QUESTIONS,

1) Can you identify a day or time period when you placed your faith in Christ for salvation?

2) Do you have certainty that your future partner has come to faith in Christ?

3) Are you both committed to intimacy in your communication as a couple and to the effort this will require?

4) Have you agreed always to tell your future partner the truth before and after marriage?

5) Have you discussed and come to agreement on what the Bible means when it says that the husband is to be a loving leader and the wife is to be a submissive helper?

6) Do you both want to be used of God to help your future partner come to full maturity as a christian?

7) Have you agree on how decisions will be made when disagreement occurs?

8)Have you both committed never to criticize each other in public?

9)Do you like the outlook on life and the values of your future partner?

10) Are you personally committed to making your marriage a success whatever the cost or sacrifice?

10 Possible Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You Back

We’ve all been there when our date hasn’t called us back. We’ve all sat on edge for hours on end, just waiting for the phone to ring. We try to act as though everything is normal and get on with our life, but most of the time it just isn’t possible. We can’t function without knowing why he hasn’t called us back. We can’t engage in conversation with our friends, and we can’t even eat. And don’t eventry to convince us to leave the house.

Sometimes, of course, the phone will ring and we’ll flip it open quicker than we’ve ever done anything in our life. Then we look sadly at the phone screen when we realise it’s just our friend calling. Or, worse still, it’s an “unknown number.” Sigh.

As more hours pass, you begin to resign yourself to the fact that he really isn’t calling you back. You stop taking your phone into the shower with you in case he rings and instead start asking the question, “Why? Why hasn’t he called back?”

If you’re currently experiencing existential inner turmoil over this eternally confusing question, we’ve got your back. We’ve also got 10 possible reasons why he didn’t call you. Let’s take a look.

He’s Still Hung Up On His Ex

Ex’s have a LOT to answer for. They’re often the prime reason why your date can’t commit to you, and they’re so very frustrating. You know they should be out of the picture by now, but for whatever reason they’re just not.

The thing is that some of us are just better at getting over our ex’s than others are. Perhaps for him it was first love, or maybe they broke up because of circumstances rather than because they hated each other. Maybe she broke his heart and he doesn’t want to go through that ever again. Only he really knows and you’re just going to have to bear with him. Or move on, of course.

You Asked Him The Wrong Questions

There is such a thing as first date etiquette, and it may well be that you overstepped your boundaries and asked him the wrong questions that have made him a bit cautious.

Perhaps you grilled him10 Possible Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You Back on intellectually stimulating subjects that you love, such as religion. Perhaps you made fun of his answers when he told you he likes Donald Trump. Maybe you pried too much into his past relationships, or maybe you dug too deep into his private life.

Have a think about the kind of questions you asked him and whether they were too sensitive.

He Is Scared Of Commitment

Maybe the date went really well and you both enjoyed yourselves. Perhaps you returned home feeling on top of the the world and expected him to do the same.

But wait a minute: He isn’t returning your call, so maybe he didn’t have such a good time after all? You were sure he did, though. He even said so.

Maybe he did have a really great time with you, but maybe he’s also got commitment issues. Maybe he returned home, got your call and then realised he didn’t want to get trapped in a potential long-term relationship.

Getting guys to commit is not easy, and sometimes you’ve just got to give them their space early on.

He’s Actually Really Lazy

Hey, maybe he hasn’t called you back yet simply because he’s lazy. This is a totally viable reason. He might still be snoozing on the couch, or he might even be embroiled in his Xbox.

They Might Genuinely Be Busy

I know, I know: The old saying is that nobody is ever too busy to return a phone call. Even the President of the United States of America can find a window of time during his busy day to return a call. So what’s stopping your date who told you he worked in a factory?

The truth is that people genuinely do get so busy during the day that they just find it really hard to squeeze in something like a phone call. You might think it sounds ridiculous, but if a man has a super busy workload, he’s going to make sure he gets all the tough and stressful stuff out of the way first before he relaxes and calls you back.

You’ve Already Added Him To Every Single Social Media Account

You’ve returned home and called him up. That’s cool. But if you’ve also added him to Facebook, followed him on Twitter and Instagram, you might be creeping him out a little. You might be coming on way too strong.

I know all this is only online stuff and as such “shouldn’t really matter,” but if you go too far too soon on social media, you could freak him out a little.

He’s Lost His Phone

This is a long shot, and it’s an easy excuse for anyone to make. But in the first 24 hours after you’ve called, losing his phone might be the reason he hasn’t returned your call.

Once the 24 hours elapse, though, he should find other means of getting in touch, such as Facebook.

He Might Have Other Intentions To Yours

So yeah, the date went really well. You both had a laugh, had a drink, had a chat and got to know one another. The date ended on good terms, and you both said what a lovely time you had.

This is all well and good, but what if your ultimate intentions are worlds apart? You might want a long-term relationship and he might just want to hang. Your time together might have confirmed your differences to him, and as such he’s now deciding that he doesn’t want to pursue you anymore.

Maybe He Just Loves Being Single

I know what you’ll say to this: “Then why did he come out on a date in the first place?!”

But maybe he just didn’t realise your ultimate intentions. Perhaps he thought you just wanted to hang out with him and have a laugh. But the minute you started to get serious and – if you’re anything like me on my first ever date – started talking about babies, he’ll have ran a mile.

Therefore, he might be mulling over how best to respond to you. You clearly want something more here, and he just wants to enjoy the good life of being single. It’s hard to accept, but that’s just the way things are sometimes.

He’s Not Interested

It’s sad – but it might be true. He might have told you at the end of the date that he had a good time just to be polite and not upset you. But now that the crunch time has come, he’s missing in action because he didn’t feel a “click” with you.

Stay happy!

10 Tips on how to protect yourself from heart breaks

 

Unless you are willing to isolate yourself completely and never form a bond with any other human being, you are likely to experience heartbreak at some time in your life. That, though, is very unlikely, because human beings are naturally very sociable, and there is so much to be gained from relationships. Is heartbreak just something we have to live with, or can we take steps to at least minimise the pain? Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to stop having to have your heart broken too many times, and to make those heartbreaks that you do experience less painful. Here are ten tips on how to protect your heart from heartbreak.

1. Don’t expect that every man you meet will be the one you marry

The first thing you can do, to make love and the heartbreaks that often come with it a little easier to bear, is to avoid rushing into new relationships and avoid blindly trusting every guy you meet. Fairy-tale romances are beautiful to believe in and you can hold a happy image of your future in mind, but don’t expect that every man you meet will be one you settle down with and marry. Life is never quite as simple, as it is in the movies, so listen to your heart as well as your mind, and you won’t be so disappointed if things don’t work out.

2. Use your head, as well as your heart

It is hard not to let your heart rule your head when you fall in love, but you really should try and find a balance if you can. Dating is not only about the great nights out and the fun time. If you are serious about a guy, then it’s about your future too. Try and take a cold, analytical look at the people you date and ask yourself, is he really the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

3. Don’t settle for less than you deserve

You can’t sit on the side-lines, turning down everyone that you meet, but you have the right to be a little bit picky! Don’t jump into serious relationships with guys that you are unsure about and keep your eyes open for their faults. You should only be making commitments to men you are absolutely crazy about, so don’t settle for second best just because you don’t want to be on your own.

4. Don’t let love blind you to the truth

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mend a broken heart. Don’t ignore he signs that he might be fooling around. It’s so easy to blind yourself to the obvious signs that a guy is messing you around. You tell yourself that ‘he wouldn’t’, ‘he couldn’t’ and ‘it’s not happening’. If you think that your man is playing away, then ask him for the truth, because if you ignore it, it will only make the inevitable breakup even more painful when it comes.

5. Don’t rush into things

Take things steady, even when you think you have met the One. If you go from first kiss, to moving in with him, within a few days, you are likely to be very disappointed. The idea of whirlwind romances sounds wonderful, but they rarely go the distance. If he really is the One, then he’s not going to mind you taking things slowly at first.

6. Talk about the relationship

When you are starting to feel that the relationship could be really going places, make sure that he feels the same way. Try and find out what his plans for the future are, and tell him how you are feeling about the relationship. You don’t want to find yourself saying: ‘But I thought you wanted the same things as I do’.

7. Keep your options open, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship

While cheating or flirting with other guys is never a good idea, you shouldn’t exclude all other members of the opposite sex from your life, just because you are in love with someone. It sounds a bit callous to say, keep your options open, but you really should, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship. You don’t have to completely alienate other men, because you’ve just met Mr Right; just let them know that you are not available, at the moment.

8. Don’t forget your friends

Your friends will be there for you through any number of different relationships, so long as you don’t dump all your friends the moment you fall in love. It’s healthy to have friends outside of a relationship anyway, so stay in touch with them and go out with them sometimes. Don’t make one man your entire world, however much you love him.

9. Listen to what other people are saying

You can date whoever you want, but it is still wise to listen to what other people say about your man. If your friends and family don’t seem to like your guy, there could be very good reasons for that. Sometimes, people who are not in the relationship can see far more, than the person who is in love.

10. Don’t lose sight of your own goals

Love is great; it’s a wonderful feeling, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life. Keep your hobbies, interests and follow your own dreams, because you are more than just the other half of a relationship. Your life is your own and, so long as you never lose sight of that, you will always have something else to concentrate on, if love doesn’t quite work out the way you had hoped it would.

Stay happy, love and be loved!