If you don’t get a life of your own, you won’t be happy even if you marry. Why? B’cos you will have nothing to give to the relationship, and you will drain your spouse. Inevitably, you will put extraordinary expectations on the other to fulfill you, complete you and make you happy. NO HUMAN CAN PERFORM UP TO THOSE EXPECTATIONS. ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT.
The very first principle is to “GET A LIFE” – What happen when someone decides to break the first principle of dating. You put your life on hold. You become so consumed with finding someone to give them a sense of significance that real life has taken a back seat.
What happen if you don’t get life;
a. DESPERATION. a desperate person has sense of urgency about finding a mate. He’s starving for someone to fill the emotional hole. This sister was running off men right and left. She was beautiful and rich. Her urgent need to fill a void kept her from going slower in order to allow a more normal, natural process of bonding to occur. Unfortunately their urge-to-merge strategy scares off potential mates instead of attracting them.
b. DEPENDENCE. A dependent person gains a sense of significance and security through others. He must be attached to someone in order to feel good about himself. Dependent person will hang on to sick or bad relationship–when a dependent person enters a relationship, he usually sucks the lifeblood out of the other person – of course, as humans we all depend on other to some degree for certain needs-this is normal and healthy.
c. LONELINESS. Feelings of loneliness are the number one complaints of singles who buy into the notion that someone else can make them happy. This can take many forms, but generally it is a condition that affects the whole person – They are unhappy at their single state. The more lonely you feel, the more likely you are to withdraw.
d. DETACHMENT. This person has detached himself from vital social relationships; the desire to spend time with friends, get involved in the community. For some people after series of bad relationships, she began to withdraw to protect herself. Abigail, a vivacious woman in her early twenties was one of the most outgoing people you could ever meet. However, after a series of hurtful relationships, she began to withdraw to protect herself. Unfortunately, her well-intentioned plan backfired. She gained more weight, sabotaged old friendships and distanced herself from even family members.
Watch-out for pt 2