12 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU END A RELATIONSHIP
1. Why are you ending the relationship?
-Did you meet someone else?
-Have you considered emotional repercussions for the other person?
2. Don’t tell another party before you tell him/her
3. Inform your pastor and insist he prays with you
4. Pray seriously about the breakup and the effect on the other party
5. Don’t accuse the other party or be sarcastic in your statements
6. Think through what you will say before you have a conversation
-Write down some of the possible questions you’ll have to answer (ex. “what did I do wrong?”)
-Pick an appropriate time
-Don’t puncture their ego. Season your words with salt. Start by praising their strengths without flattery
7. State your reasons clearly and fairly
-Don’t leave any loose ends (ex. “if we are meant for each other, we will come back together”)
8. Don’t let pity, infatuation, pressure from family and friends make you change your mind
9. Don’t continue to be close friends after breaking a relationship; your friendship was for a purpose
10. Don’t just jump into another relationship. There is a tendency you would want to prove something. Give yourself time to heal. Be prayerful & commit to the work of God)
11. Channel your energies to develop your skills on all fronts (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, intellectually etc.)
12. Wait on the Lord for another person
6 SIX TO DO WHEN YOU REALISE YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BROKEN THE RELATIONSHIP
1. Know that it will be difficult to be trusted again, especially if you initiated breakup.
-Pray and work extra hard to convince the other party of your sincerity
2. Accept that you made a mistake
3. Accept there were problems you should have ironed out
4. Show the person practical ways to heal the relationship
5. Get your pastor involved
6. If you didn’t initiate breakup, consider whether that person can be trusted. If you cannot give the person another chance, don’t pretend. Broken trust must be earned; if you accept, give conditions.
ENGAGEMENT & PAYING A DOWRY
In our tradition, a “knocking” takes places when you’ve decided you are ready to get married. You send representatives from family to introduce yourself & make your intentions clear. This is different from paying a dowry.
After this process, a date is set for the paying of a dowry, known as an engagement. In our culture, the man pays the dowry. The dowry differs from tribe to tribe.
After the payment of the dowry, you are married. However as Christians, we believe in the blessing of a marriage in a church or church office with witnesses from both families, not just your friends because marriage is between two families.
3 KINDS OF MARRIAGE BLESSINGS
1. Church office blessing
2. Simple church wedding
3. Expensive wedding
It doesn’t matter which kind you choose; live according to your means and know that each of them is accepted by God
I pray the Lord will guide you all through difficult situations in your relationships to make the best choice for a lasting marriage!