Is marriage becoming scary for young women? A must read…

I thoroughly enjoyed a conversation I had with some young women the other day on the topic of marriage.

Triggering many thoughts however, I felt slightly worried that the sacred institution of marriage was losing its shine among a group of young women.

As a young woman coming out of the university, I remember marriage was not that much of an issue. For some of us, our expectations were on getting into some fine civil service job as young graduates with the hopes of an assigned accommodation at the Switchback Road or such government apartments. Some of us also had eyes on working for banks. It was like a status symbol. Looking for Mr Right was to follow later.

Marriage and Mr Right
In my discussion with the young ladies, some of whom have achieved academic heights, my take was that getting married and starting their own families was on their minds. The big question, nonetheless, was finding Mr Right.

Considering the seriousness with which the young women spoke about their peers already in marriages, I figured that there was a genuine problem with young women finding the right men to settle down with. Not that the men were not coming forward. It was more the fear of ending up with the wrong man for the rest of their lives. I believed for a moment that they were speaking for many other young single professional women out there.

Divorce
So what is scaring these young women away from marriage? As our chat progressed, they told me about the experiences of some friends who had quit short-lived marriages. They had the thought that men of today were only in for fun in relationships and not to be tied down to family responsibilities.

According to them, the men most women courted at the beginning of a relationship were not the same men they exchanged rings with a couple of years down the line. One of them said in her circle of friends, about five of them who got married in the last four years were already separated or divorced. Another lady in the group discussion said out of six weddings she attended in the last three years, two of the couples were already divorced.

Sanity in marriage
Ideally, as young Christian professional women, they were looking to settle down in marriage but the examples of their friends’ short-lived marriages did not inspire them. One of them said there was only a thin line between sanity and insanity, hence she would rather keep her sanity as a single woman than plunge into insanity with a man whose real character would emerge only afterwards.

While one of the young ladies said she would rather look out for a Reverend Minister as her future husband, another said she would co-habit and not get entangled in a formal marriage that could drive her into insanity.

Real problem
Whatever the case, what I discovered from speaking to the young ladies was that there was a real problem out there with young marriages which needed society’s serious engagement.

The young ladies cited how very early in their relationships, married young men were flirting with other people’s wives with no sense of guilt. They also talked about young married women bearing children for men other than their husbands, only for DNA tests to expose them. No amount of preaching morality or the probability of contracting HIV/AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases bothered them.

Are families, and for that matter, parents, not preparing their children, particularly their daughters, well enough for the tedious, long-winded and self-sacrificing business of marriage which also requires a lot of patience? Are churches failing the youth in their congregation by not preparing them adequately before blessing them and sending them off as married? Are marriage counsellors not counselling young couples well enough for the better or worse vows they will be committing themselves to?

There is definitely an apparent scare in some young career women who would want to settle down to raise their own families. However, they are not seeing their way clearly with the men they would have to tie their lives to. Some of these women are forever comparing their parents’ marriages and identifying wide gaps in the relationships of today.

My take is that marriage today is at the crossroads, more than ever before, and that, to me, should not be allowed. We all have responsibilities to help preserve value systems in the institution of marriage in order to preserve the family as sacrosanct. That is the challenge that parents, families, the Church and society would have to work at. Marriage should never be allowed to pose as a monster to young people.

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​CLUES YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It can be really unnerving when you’re in a relationship and you’re not sure if your partner is just in a super grumpy mood, or they actually are trying to drop clues that he or she wants to end your relationship. And while the good news is that nine times out of 10, this scenario is just you having an insecure week, or your partner having an extra stressful week, or possibly the two combined, with a sour cherry on top in the form of some sort of recent big fight or other drama

— sometimes, when things feel off, they are legit off and it’s time to give your relationship some serious attention.

Maybe your partner has been skulking around with a scowl on their face, and you have no idea why. Or maybe they are way quicker to anger lately, or they don’t seem to be very present when you’re around, or they just seem totally over it and you’re not sure why. All of these may seem like hints that they’re on their way out, but sometimes the mind can play tricks, and blow small things way out of proportion. So here are Clues that your partner is thinking of ending

your relationship, courtesy of relationship experts.

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  1. YOU ARE NO LONGER A PRIORITY

“When a person stops having the time or desire to be with you, then you know that your relationship is on life support system, and that you might just have to be the one who has the guts to pull the plug,” relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, tells Bustle. It feels awful to have someone hanging around now and then who isn’t really available and is always looking for an out. “If you keep hearing how he or she is too busy with work, family, friends and other

obligations to spend time with you,” that sucks, and if they’re adding, ‘we’ll get together soon,’ they’re just giving you lip service, she says. “Just tell this person that this isn’t what you signed on for,” she adds. And be real about why you’re peacing out. “Let them know that you’ll be moving on, and if you should still be available when their life lightens up, then you might give this thing another try,” she says. But whatever you do, don’t just sit there. “Keep in mind, that when someone is really into you, they put you on the top of the list, and

make time for you,” Sansone-Braff says. “Nothing stands in the way: They’d walk five miles through a snowstorm to see you, because that’s how much they miss you.” If that’s just not happening, that’s OK — find someone who does feel that way about you.

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  1. THEY AVOID YOU

Breakups are tough, and some people find that actually telling their partner they want to call it quits is too hard. Instead, they choose the path of avoidance rather than being direct and honest about their feelings.

If your partner is suddenly canceling all your plans or changing the conversation whenever a serious topic comes up, they may want out but not know how to tell you. If you notice this happening, it’s time to bring this behavior to their attention.

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  1. THEY’RE BEING SECRETIVE

The partner who’s having a secret affair or hiding feelings is a common movie trope. You know how the story goes. If you notice your significant other sneakily checking their phone, quickly logging out of Facebook, going out with strange friends or not sharing their plans, look at the bigger picture of what those moves might mean.

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  1. THEY CUT BACK ON THEIR COMMUNICATION

When communication between the two partners in the relationship is strong, it means the relationship is buzzing. But when communication is nonexistent, then it points to the fact that the relationship is also nonexistent. A partner who wants out will first of all cut off every form of communication. You call and they don’t answer. You text and it goes unreplied. If your partner is cutting back your daily communication, then you may want to wonder why.

When a person is unsure of a relationship, it’s common to slowly reduce the amount of contact they have with their partner.

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  1. THERE’S PRECISELY NO FUTURE-TRIPPING

You and your partner used to spend hours planning your lives together. From marriage and kids to moving in together and worldly vacations, there was no shortage of future plans. Suddenly these talks are no longer. It’s true that the future can be scary, but if your partner is shunning these conversations, then it may be time to ask why.

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  1. THEY’VE STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT

Relationships require effort from both partners. Whether this means planning date nights or making up after an argument, putting effort into a relationship is how people show they care for each other.

If your partner has stopped trying, it might be a sign that they’re thinking about leaving. Missing anniversaries or blowing off other special occasions could be their way of letting you know they’re ready to move on.

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  1. THEY STOP BEING A PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP

All these previous signs point to one thing – that partner isn’t part of the relationship. A relationship without communication, love and commitment isn’t a relationship at all – and in their minds, they are already out of the relationship.

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A continuous show of these signs could indeed point to the fact that your partner is fed up of the relationship and is looking for an escape route.

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