Is marriage becoming scary for young women? A must read…

I thoroughly enjoyed a conversation I had with some young women the other day on the topic of marriage.

Triggering many thoughts however, I felt slightly worried that the sacred institution of marriage was losing its shine among a group of young women.

As a young woman coming out of the university, I remember marriage was not that much of an issue. For some of us, our expectations were on getting into some fine civil service job as young graduates with the hopes of an assigned accommodation at the Switchback Road or such government apartments. Some of us also had eyes on working for banks. It was like a status symbol. Looking for Mr Right was to follow later.

Marriage and Mr Right
In my discussion with the young ladies, some of whom have achieved academic heights, my take was that getting married and starting their own families was on their minds. The big question, nonetheless, was finding Mr Right.

Considering the seriousness with which the young women spoke about their peers already in marriages, I figured that there was a genuine problem with young women finding the right men to settle down with. Not that the men were not coming forward. It was more the fear of ending up with the wrong man for the rest of their lives. I believed for a moment that they were speaking for many other young single professional women out there.

Divorce
So what is scaring these young women away from marriage? As our chat progressed, they told me about the experiences of some friends who had quit short-lived marriages. They had the thought that men of today were only in for fun in relationships and not to be tied down to family responsibilities.

According to them, the men most women courted at the beginning of a relationship were not the same men they exchanged rings with a couple of years down the line. One of them said in her circle of friends, about five of them who got married in the last four years were already separated or divorced. Another lady in the group discussion said out of six weddings she attended in the last three years, two of the couples were already divorced.

Sanity in marriage
Ideally, as young Christian professional women, they were looking to settle down in marriage but the examples of their friends’ short-lived marriages did not inspire them. One of them said there was only a thin line between sanity and insanity, hence she would rather keep her sanity as a single woman than plunge into insanity with a man whose real character would emerge only afterwards.

While one of the young ladies said she would rather look out for a Reverend Minister as her future husband, another said she would co-habit and not get entangled in a formal marriage that could drive her into insanity.

Real problem
Whatever the case, what I discovered from speaking to the young ladies was that there was a real problem out there with young marriages which needed society’s serious engagement.

The young ladies cited how very early in their relationships, married young men were flirting with other people’s wives with no sense of guilt. They also talked about young married women bearing children for men other than their husbands, only for DNA tests to expose them. No amount of preaching morality or the probability of contracting HIV/AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases bothered them.

Are families, and for that matter, parents, not preparing their children, particularly their daughters, well enough for the tedious, long-winded and self-sacrificing business of marriage which also requires a lot of patience? Are churches failing the youth in their congregation by not preparing them adequately before blessing them and sending them off as married? Are marriage counsellors not counselling young couples well enough for the better or worse vows they will be committing themselves to?

There is definitely an apparent scare in some young career women who would want to settle down to raise their own families. However, they are not seeing their way clearly with the men they would have to tie their lives to. Some of these women are forever comparing their parents’ marriages and identifying wide gaps in the relationships of today.

My take is that marriage today is at the crossroads, more than ever before, and that, to me, should not be allowed. We all have responsibilities to help preserve value systems in the institution of marriage in order to preserve the family as sacrosanct. That is the challenge that parents, families, the Church and society would have to work at. Marriage should never be allowed to pose as a monster to young people.

The Journey to Locating & Sustaining a Relationship By Bishop Agyinasare – A must read…

12 THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU END A RELATIONSHIP
1. Why are you ending the relationship?
-Did you meet someone else?
-Have you considered emotional repercussions for the other person?
2. Don’t tell another party before you tell him/her
3. Inform your pastor and insist he prays with you
4. Pray seriously about the breakup and the effect on the other party
5. Don’t accuse the other party or be sarcastic in your statements
6. Think through what you will say before you have a conversation
-Write down some of the possible questions you’ll have to answer (ex. “what did I do wrong?”)
-Pick an appropriate time
-Don’t puncture their ego. Season your words with salt. Start by praising their strengths without flattery
7. State your reasons clearly and fairly
-Don’t leave any loose ends (ex. “if we are meant for each other, we will come back together”)
8. Don’t let pity, infatuation, pressure from family and friends make you change your mind
9. Don’t continue to be close friends after breaking a relationship; your friendship was for a purpose
10. Don’t just jump into another relationship. There is a tendency you would want to prove something. Give yourself time to heal. Be prayerful & commit to the work of God)
11. Channel your energies to develop your skills on all fronts (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, intellectually etc.)
12. Wait on the Lord for another person

6 SIX TO DO WHEN YOU REALISE YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BROKEN THE RELATIONSHIP
1. Know that it will be difficult to be trusted again, especially if you initiated breakup.
-Pray and work extra hard to convince the other party of your sincerity
2. Accept that you made a mistake
3. Accept there were problems you should have ironed out
4. Show the person practical ways to heal the relationship
5. Get your pastor involved
6. If you didn’t initiate breakup, consider whether that person can be trusted. If you cannot give the person another chance, don’t pretend. Broken trust must be earned; if you accept, give conditions.

ENGAGEMENT & PAYING A DOWRY
In our tradition, a “knocking” takes places when you’ve decided you are ready to get married. You send representatives from family to introduce yourself & make your intentions clear. This is different from paying a dowry.

After this process, a date is set for the paying of a dowry, known as an engagement. In our culture, the man pays the dowry. The dowry differs from tribe to tribe.

After the payment of the dowry, you are married. However as Christians, we believe in the blessing of a marriage in a church or church office with witnesses from both families, not just your friends because marriage is between two families.

3 KINDS OF MARRIAGE BLESSINGS
1. Church office blessing
2. Simple church wedding
3. Expensive wedding
It doesn’t matter which kind you choose; live according to your means and know that each of them is accepted by God

I pray the Lord will guide you all through difficult situations in your relationships to make the best choice for a lasting marriage!

Remain blessed.

The Issue of the Origin and Meaning of Kente (aka Kete)

The Issue of the Origin and Meaning of Kente (aka Kete)

Kente (aka Kete) is the most famous and the most celebrated of all the textiles used in Ghana. However, there are conflicting claims about the true origin, evolution of the hand-loom strip weaving and the meaning of the name Kente/Kete.

Centuries-Old Anlo/Ewe – Asante Relationship: In some of my previous rejoinders, I indicated that both Anlos and Asantes have never fought any major wars in their history, either pre and or post Republic of Ghana. It was also pointed out that several years ago; Prof. Devine E. A. Amenumey has rebutted the late Prof. Albert Adu Boahen’s claim of Asante’s hegemony over Anlo. Historically, there was a military alliance between the Asantes and the Anlos, a coastal/southern sub-group of the Ewes. The alliance dates back to the mid 1750s. The Anlo and Asante were allies who assisted each other in times of wars by opening diversionary war-fronts to engage their enemies that were at war with each others friendly states. Anlos as allies supplied large quantities of firearms and ammunition to the Asantes whenever the trading ports west of Accra were blocked to the Asantes (see J. K. Fynn, Asante and Akyem Relations 1700-1831, page 16-17).

We should also recall that the Asantes were allies of the Anlos, not only for military and political reasons, but for economic (trade) reasons as well. Records show that the Asantes needed salt and relied heavily on the Anlos for the supply. Hence, a strong bond developed between the two nations based on trade. The Asantes fought the Akwamus and the other groups like the Krobos that tried to disrupt their salt supply. We should all remember that the Great Trade Routes that developed through Africa was built entirely on salt. Salt was an important and much sought-after commodity over which wars were fought at the time. It is only these days that this key information tends to be often belittled or completely overlooked.

We learnt in my previous article (http://www.modernghana.com/news/220365/1/rejoinder-asantehene-new-progress-philosophy-etc.html) that at times, the Anlo State sent emissaries to the court of the then Asantehenes to relate messages from the Anlo Awoamefia and their war-councils. An “honour stool”, Akrobortu was created by one of the Asantehenes in appreciation for the role that an emissary played as Linguist-Messenger-Emissary between the Anlo Awoamefia and the Asantehene. Because of the centuries old friendship between Anlos and Asantes the late Otumfuo Opoku Ware II, the fifteenth (15th) Asantehene sent gold dust and other items for the burial and funeral rites of the late Torgbi Adeladza II, coincidentally the fifteenth (15th) Anlo Awoamefia (Paramount Chief) in 1998.

Recently, Dr. Kwame Botwe-Asamoah has also observed on Ghanaweb that, and I quote “Yes, the Asante-Anlo/Ewe bond is perhaps the strongest phenomenon between any ethnics groups in today’s Ghana. This is born out of the critical roles the Asantehene and Anlo Awoamefia play in each other’s burial and coronations. Traditionally, the Asantehene is the one who buries the Anlo Awomeafia as was the case of the late Awoamefia Adeladza II. Even today, a royal Anlo-Ewe can easily form part of the Asantehene’s circle to perform rituals in the sacred stool house during Akwasidae or Odwira to the exclusion of 99.9% Asantes”. Unquote.

Let me also add that in addition to the “personal friendship” between Asantehene Barima Osei Tutu I and Amega Atsu Tsala Akplormada (“the spear that is never thrown” as per correction), several other Anlos/Ewes have excellent interpersonal relationships with Asantes and other Akans. Of particular significance and or relevance is the interpersonal relationship that existed between the late Otumfuo Opoku Ware II, the fifteenth (15th) Asantehene and one of the Anlo “Bokorga” of blessed memory, the late Amega Awukutse Vorsa Kutor of Tegbi Kpota near Anloga. Suffice it to say only that the late Amega Awukutse Vorsa Kutor was the chief “afakala” for late Otumfuo Opoku Ware II. We need not get into the personal details here!

In 1865, the Anlos entered into a tripartite alliance with the Asantes, under Asantehene Kwaku Duah, the most peaceful and wise ruler of the kingdom of Asante, and the Akwamus (see J. A. B. Horton, Letters on the political condition of the Gold Coast, since the exchange of territory between the English and Dutch governments, on January 1, 1868 together with a short account of the Ashantee War, 1862-4, and the Awoonah War, 1866, 2nd Ed. 1970). After Kwaku Duah’s death on 27th April 1867 he was succeeded by his fiery young nephew of 25 years old, Asantehene Kofi Karikari who subsequently presented a sword to Awadada Axorlu I, the military commander of Anlo to seal the alliance. This sword is preserved till today and is among the regalia of the Kaklaku stool (see A. Kumassah, the Migration Saga of the Anlo-Ewes of Ghana, 2005 Edition, pages 76-77). During the war of 1869-1872 (the only recorded Asante war in which the Awoamefia of Anlo took part), in which Asantes and Akwamus invaded central Eweland, it was Awadada Axorlu I who intervened because of the tripartite alliance and gave the missionaries escort and free passage to Keta. The allies then invaded Agortime (Agortime-Kpetoe or Kpetoe) an ally of Accra at the time, about 23 kilometers south east of Ho, where Asantes captured some expert “Agbatsimevor/Agbamevor/Avor” (now Ewe-Kete) weavers and took them to Asante to show them the art of “kete” weaving.

Asantes Claims to Kente/Kete Weaving: The Asante’s lame explanations of the two brothers Nana Kuragu and Nana Ameyaw and their friend Nana Otaa Kraban learning ‘kente’ weaving by watching a Ntikuma spider (Ananse) weaving a web on a farm at Akyinso, now Bomfa in Bonwire and the name ‘kente’ deriving from the Akan word for basket: kɛntɛn or kenten has already been debunked elsewhere. We still find it hard to believe that “kente” which “started in Asante” as a refined cloth woven exclusively for royalty and woven only by men (women are forbidden to sit on the loom or else they become barren) would be named after a basket, a crude and porous container woven exclusively by women. The claim that King Osei Tutu I of Asante (1695-1717) conferred the title of Kentehene on Nana Kuragu and Nana Ameyaw of Bonwire in or about 1698 is also questionable (see Kente Origins, History, Development and Cultural Significance – By O. B. Sarfo Kantanka). Let alone the claim that “The three artists (two brothers Nana Kuragu and Nana Ameyaw and their friend Nana Otaa Kraban from Bonwire) lived for a long time. They were contemporaries of some chiefs and kings of Kumasi and Asante respectively, i.e. Twum-Antwi (1580-1600), Kobia Amenfi (1600-1630), Oti Akenten (1630-1600), Obiri Yeboa (1660-1697), Osei Tutu I (1697-1717) and Opoku Ware I (1720-1750). Their longevity is attributed to the blessing that they received from Okomfo Anokye (chief priest of Asante) in appreciation of their work. Okomfo Anokye himself was said to have lived for over 200 years (see: The Envoy October, 2004 Vol. 1. No. 1).” Waooo! How far can they stretch their figments of imagination! It is interesting however to note once again that the mystic, Amega Atsu Tsala Akplormada (the Okomfo from Nortsie, aka Okomfo Anokye) is being quoted in this and other related write-ups.

We all know that basket weaving is not the same as spider-web weaving let alone kete (kente) weaving. This is nothing more than an anansesem (spider story or ayiyigli). For one thing, a spider does not weave cloth, it makes a net (web, ayiyiɖɔ), and the technique the spider uses in making a net (web, ayiyiɖɔ) has absolutely no resemblance to the technique used in kente weaving or even basket weaving for that matter. The origin of the word “kente” is also commonly tied to the Asante phrase, “ke-ente,” which means “whatever happens to it, it will not tear.” (http://www.gomemphis.com/news/2009/jun/01/the-fabric-that-will-not-tear/). Oh yes, Kete strips come apart and are resown by needle-stitches or by machine. And we do believe that after lots of wear and tear, ”kete haa vuvu na.” At that stage, it is used as ”dovu” and spread on mat(s) for infants and toddlers to lie on to absorb their urine. ”Amekae mekpor Kete-vuvu kpo o maha”? Another claim by the Asantes is that kente was originally woven with thin raffia fiber (edoa or ela) for yarn. Frankly, we do see how raffia can be used to weave on the kete loom. However, there is no doubt that ‘kete’ originated from ‘ke’ and ‘te’ the two main alternating rhythmic actions involved in the operation of the loom, and that the Ewes used the words when they were teaching the Asantes. The name “kete” meaning ‘ke (spread or open)’ and ‘te (tighten or press)’ was corrupted to “Kente”, a modified material as made by the Ashantis in the village of Bonwire, located ~20 km east of Kumasi, on the road between Ejisu and Juaben. “Ke na te”, Kete is the process in making the cloth that gives it its name. In the weaving process you open the weft “ke”, pass the waft through it and press “te”. You repeat those actions hundreds and thousands of time to have the kete cloth. We are not claiming that Ewes first invented the art of weaving. No, there is no dispute about this.

The History of Weaving on the Loom: The technique of weaving on the loom had been invented in different societies around the world thousands of years ago when human beings started wearing woven cloth garments instead of covering themselves with leaves, barks and animal skins and fur. While there is evidence of weaving of plant fibers in Africa as early as 5000 to 4000 BC, it is thought that the horizontal loom and weaving of cotton was introduced sometime in the first millennium. The Puels (Fulani) were the first to learn the trade from Syrian Semitic people from the northeast. While first working with wool, the Puels became skilled at working the loom and developed the practice of working with the new fiber, cotton–learning the techniques from the Arabs. The oldest known mention of the local production of cotton fabrics in the area is in a book written by the learned geographer, traveler and pious Arab Sunni, El Bekri, dated 1068 (Thomas, Mainguy, and Pommier 1985, p.95). The techniques in weaving strips of fabric spread rapidly. Both loom and cotton industries were transmitted to the Tukulors, the Wolofs and then to the different Mande people of the Sudan, soon reaching the Bambara, the Dogon and others (ibid.). Hence, the Ewes did not invent weaving.

The Origin, History and Technique of Weaving Ewe Kete (aka Kente):

When we talk specifically about “Kete/Kente Weaving” on the narrow loom, the equipment and the technique between the Ewes and Asantes are so similar that there is no doubt that they originated from the same source. Some writers also claim that Kete (Kente) was probably introduced from the western Sudan during the 16th century, when heavy, elaborate, labor-intensive versions of this fabric were designed for wealthy “tribal” chiefs and simpler designs became available for the general citizenry (http://www.webexhibits.org/colorart/african-kente.html). We would therefore like to reiterate the fact that the name “kete” says it all: ‘ke’ describes spreading and separating the warp threads on the loom by the “up and down movement of the heddles produced by operating the foot pedals” and ‘te’ describes tightening and packing the threads by hand action after the shuttle carrying the weft (transverse) thread is passed through the shed (http://www.cfiks.org/Community/page19/page22/page22.html). In 2006, Richard Kwame Debra wrote on GhanaWeb (http://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/features/artikel.php?ID=106944&comment=0#com) and I quote:

“Isn’t it interesting and ironic that the most popular song composition to glorify Kente weaving “Asante Bonwire kente nwene” composed by Ghana’s greatest musicologist, Dr. Ephraim Amu (a very proud Ewe) was about the stunning weaving skills of Bonwire weavers, and what is most amazing is that one of the most prolific and legendarily skillful Kente weavers of Bonwire, a man called Samuel Cofie is an Ewe man born in Anyako, another Kente weaving town in Eweland? Cofie has been weaving Kente since 1961”.

The fact that Bonwire is the center of Ashanti kente weaving in Ghana does not mean the weaving process was invented there. Similarly, if Dr. Ephraim Amu mentioned Asante Bonwire kente in his musical composition, it does not say a thing about its origins.

It is KETE, not kente and Ewes first wove it! In the olden days, our forebears used materials locally available to them to create products. Where did Ashantis get cotton threads to weave the first Kente cloth? Did cotton grow in the evergreen forest of the then Gold Coast? Did the Asantes know how to cultivate, harvest and turn it into yarns, dye them and then use them to weave the first piece of cloth, they now call kente? Oh yes, Kweku Ananse taught them how to weave kente! Ananse indeed! Cotton grows in the plains and that is why most Northerners have SMOCKS and Ewes have KETE and both groups weave, because it is in their ancient traditions, not just some less than 300 years old Ananse story. Silk from the Far East was introduced into weaving KETE by blending it with cotton, because Ewes along the coast had access to it from European traders. Raymond E. Dummet (Obstacles to Government-Assisted Agricultural Development in West Africa: Cotton-Growing Experimentation in Ghana in the Early Twentieth Century) wrote and I quote “…cotton was generally cultivated in small quantities, usually in combination with food crops, by the Ewe in the trans-Volta territories of the south-eastern region and by the Dagomba and other peoples in the Northern Territories (Rept. By G .E. Ferguson, 19 Nov. 1892, encl. 1 in Griffith (Secret) to Ripon, 26 Nov. 1892; Colonial Office 96/226. Also, Rept. By Asst. Inspector Lethbridge, 4 March 1889, encl. In Griffith to C.O., C.O. Afr. 354, No. 42, p. 75).”

We have to give credit where it is due for there is no need to deny the truth and history and concoct Ananse stories just to uphold self-aggrandizement. We have to deal and contend with the fact that Kente is not an Ashanti invention but an Ewe one called KETE, a name corrupted into Kente, just as Nortsie was corrupted to Anokye. We cannot however change the weaving process that kete means. One of the oldest known kete or kente cloths is in a museum in UCLA, a university in California USA (Los Angeles: UCLA Fowler Museum of Cultural History). It came from the Ewes. Let me quickly say this. The Smithsonian museum confirmed that the oldest “Kete” cloth is that which was made by Ewes as a royal cloth for a king and dates back to the 1500s or so. The Smithsonian Institute had also traced the origin of Kete to Agortime and invited some weavers from Agortime to the institute when Kete was being celebrated by the Smithsonian. Unfortunately, our cousins have used the presence of the University of Science and Technology, Art Department at Kumasi to document and inform the world that the royalty of “Kente” cloth started in the Asante Empire as early as the 1200s. Let me say that between 1200 and 1500 the only prominent kingdoms in West Africa were those of Benin, Mali and Songhai. By 1300 the Mali Empire came to its height and Mansa Musa made his pilgrimage to Mecca in 1324. How can the Asante Empire have existed when the Songhai Empire took over from Mali Empire in 1324. It was not until in 1695 that the mystic Okomfo Anokye assisted Asantehene Osei Tutu to defeat Denkyiras and made Kumasi his capital!

A young man has also completed a detailed research into Ewe Kente weaving and has formulated new hypotheses on the early evolution of design and techniques of Ewe and Asante weaving. It is titled “Colourful changes: two hundred years of design and social history in the hand-woven textiles of the Ewe speaking regions of Ghana and Togo (1800-2000)” by Kraamer, Malika.

One then questions why it is written at the website www.africawithin.com/tour/ghana/kente.htm, among other things, that “The origin of (Asante) kente cloths date back to 12thcentury Africa, in the country of Ghana” and that “The original Asante named the cloth was nsaduaso or nwontoma, meaning “a cloth hand-woven on a loom” and is still used today by Asante weavers and elders.” As written and published, this information predates the war of 1869-1872 by seven centuries. Additionally, the ”Asante State” or Empire DID NOT EVEN EXIST in the 12thCentury!

The Variety (Variation), Quality and Prestige of Ewe Kete (aka Kente):

Even though Agortime Kpetoe is the place cited frequently for Ewe kente, kete weaving is prevalent throughout Anlo and mid-Ewe villages and towns. In writing about the Ewe kete, we need to draw attention to the massive work done by the Italian master weaver Lucianno Ghesi at the website and links at www.hypertextile.net, and the “Blakhund Research Centre” set up in Klikor, with Dale Massiasta, as the Director, devoted exclusively to the Ewe Kete (http://www.hypertextile.net/afevo/symbol1.htm). They have posted about one hundred varieties of Ewe Kete in their catalogue just from Klikor alone and as well as written about Ewe kente weavers in Nigeria, where Ewes once lived. They have made an attempt to group the 130 plus samples listed in the catalogue by type, e.g., VUTSATSA, KPEVI, NOVI, KOGAVI, ADANU. While a few are listed by number and name, the majority are listed only by numbers and you have to click on each number in order to get the name of the cloth, the name of the weaver, year of weaving, techniques, medium, size, count, meaning & history, and related pieces. It should be noted that not all the samples have all the information either. Then you have to make clicks again to get the Virtual STITCH and Detail. It will also be appropriate to refer to Bob Dennis Ahiagble’s book: “The Pride of Ewe Kente.” As we all know, Kete has numerous artistically intricate figurative motifs which are technically more complex to weave than the geometric patterns of Asante Kente. We can now understand why the Ewe Kete won the national Ghana Independence Kente Competition which was organized by the department of Social Welfare at the Accra Community Center on March 4, 1957 (pictures are available upon request). The 22 year old beauty queen from Hohoe, who won the contest, Ms. Monica Amekoafia, was wearing authentic Ewe Kete and representing Trans Volta Togoland (with Contestant #9). At the time, there were only four regions in the Gold Coast: 1. The Gold Cost Colony, 2. The Ashanti Protectorate, 3. The Northern Territories and 4. Trans Volta Togoland (First Ever Miss Ghana, Monica. UK 4th Apr, 1957 News; The Press: London UK). We will revisit the issue of Ewes being derogatorily referred to as “#9” by the uninformed with educational details at the appropriate time. Suffice it to just say that “#9” is not an insult to Ewes but rather pride!

There are two types of Kete, the typical Ewe-Kete of the Anlo as well as the much prized Kpetoe-Kete which Nana Konadu Agyeman-Rawlings, the former First lady of Ghana had made popular with her patronage to the chagrin of the Asantes. Mr. Jerry John Rawlings, the former President of Ghana could never have worn the Bonwire Kente. His spouse, Nana Konadu Agyeman-Rawlings made sure he wore quality Kpetoe-Kete and gradually he became adept at it. It was one of the quality ones that were specially designed and donated by the Rawlings to US former President Bill Clinton and First Lady Hilary Rodan Clinton when they visited Ghana in April 1998. It should be noted that even though Agortime Kpetoe is the place cited frequently for Ewe kente, kete weaving is prevalent throughout Anlo and mid-Ewe villages and towns.

As we alluded to earlier, the Kpetoe variety uses more cotton combined with silken (Rayon) tread, making it stronger, thicker and sturdier on the wearer. What we call ”Agbozume Kete” is generally the single weave and light type meant for the general market and those who know what quality Kete is, shy away from it. ”Agbozume Kete” is highly commercialized and is mass-produced to cut down on costs. However, when you place a special order for a chosen design of Ewe-Kete, and you are willing to pay the appropriate price, it is the double-weave KEDEDZI/KEREDZI that you get.

What did Ewes Used to call Ewe Kete (aka Kente) and What is the Principal Difference Between Ewe Kete and Asante Kente?

Now to the question of what Ewes used to call Ewe Kete (aka Kente). They have always called it Ke-Te. The name for the ”Loom” used in weaving ‘Kete’ is called AGBATSI.” To differentiate Woven Cloth from any other cloth, the product of the Loom was called ‘Agbatsimevor‘, shortened to “Agbamevor” or Ke-Te. Today, the Kete Festival of the ”Agortime Kpetoe People” is called ”AGBAMEVOR-ZA.” Generally, as of now, Kpetoe Kete is mostly prepared (Avor-tsitsi) in the double ”tsitsi” mode and is woven to be thick and strong which in Anlo, we call ”Kededzi” or ”Keredzi.” The single type used to be light and not as heavy. The Asante Kente is mostly a single ”tsitsi” weave and is mostly done with silk, rayon, and ‘shiny’ [lurex] thread which makes it light and when worn is unsteady on the wearer, behaving like ”obey-the-wind.” Take a look at old pictures of people wearing Asante Kente and you will notice right away that the cloths looked ‘‘biworbiwor” due to the excessive use of rayon, as against the predominantly more cotton-mix of today.

So here we are, “Agbatsimevor/AGBAMEVOR” = Kete (aka Kente).Agbatsimevor” identifies the cloth as the product of the ‘loom’ and ”Kete” is the method of producing the cloth in the loom by opening the ”avortsitsi” with the foot-pedal, and passing the shuttle through, and then using one hand to pull the tread passed through by the shuttle tight = ‘Tee’.

What do Ewes Claim? Our claim therefore remains that Ewes taught Asantes the technique of kete (kente) weaving on the narrow looms. Period! In her book, ”Wrapped in Pride: Ghanaian Kente and African American Identity (Ucla Fowler Museum of Cultural History Textile Series, No. 2)” Doran Ross has indicated that “in written records it dates back to at least 1847 when a man’s cloth of twenty seven strips was accessioned into a Danish collection as cotton blanket (Kintee) from Popo an Ewe town in present day Togo”. We are also aware of the fact that ancient Ewes from Badagry (formally Gbagle or Ogbaglee in Lagos State of Nigeria), Dahumey (now Benin), and Togo knew the art of weaving on the narrow loom several hundreds of years ago. They all wove strips of ‘Kete’ dyed brown from the colour of tree barks to make Adewu” i.e. ”Hunter’s smock” or ”War Tunics”. The Ewe people learned to spin cotton several years ago and turned these into woven loom-cloth called Kete or Agbatsimevor before they arrived at where they are today.

We would not argue with the fact that even though it is the Ewes who taught the Asantes the narrow-loom weaving, it was the Asantes who first came up with the name “kente” which, as we know, was corrupted from the two main words “ke” and “te” the Ewes used when teaching them. Before then, the Ewes simply called the product avo or avor, and went back to using kete only after the Asantes corrupted the weaving process “ke te” (ke na te) to the name kente. Asantes should also be credited for coming up with the more colourful, vivid and more recognizable geometric-patterned kente.

It was also during the 1869-1872 exploits that thousands of people were marched to Kumasi under the Kumase Gyasehene who was given the accolade Obubasa (arm breaker) for his military exploits. This did in fact lead to the construction of Atakpame type of architecture as found in Asante (comments from Kofi Ellison).

These facts do not mean that there were no skirmishes on each other from each others part – Anlos and Asantes. During our traditional history lessons at school, we learnt about the “battle” at Mount Gemi when the Ewedomeawo rolled boulders down the slopes of Mount Gemi and forced the invading army to flee. The invaders tried to steal the church bell at the EP-Church HQ about 150 years ago. The bell bears a bullet hole from the invaders. EP Church HQ is just near Mawuli Secondary School, Ho. There is a song in Eweland to that effect: ”Matre Gemi …, Maa … Kpando, … nge Kpalime, … shashasha!”

I would however like to conclude one more time that when Ewes and Asantes come together with a united front and cooperate on several platforms, Ghana would become one of the real pace-setters of Africa in particular and a heaven on earth for mankind in general. It is therefore very important for all Ghanaians, especially Ewes and Asante to continue with the centuries old friendship and relationship that existed between them and stop insulting each other on the web and or openly in public. New alliances ought to be sought and garnered among all Ghanaians in promoting such a desirable and a much needed unification.

We would therefore like to task President John Dramani Mahama and his government to encourage all of us to come together as Ghanaians in implementing such a noble cause as it relates to the late Professor John Atta Mills’ famous “the father of all Ghanaians” manifesto.

As per my previous rejoinder several people are still asking several questions, some of which include:

· If Okomfo Anokye (aka Amega Atsu Tsala Dallah Akplormada, the traditional priestly herbal healer from Notsie) is originally from Awukugua and is not an Asante or citizen of Nortsie, why didn’t he make his Awukugua people great?

· If Okomfo Anokye is from originally Nortsie and is not an Asante or Akwamu, why didn’t he make Anloland/Eweland great?

Your answers may be as good as mine! He had no “permanent home” in any of these “homelands”. Remember he was living within the Awukuaguahene’s court as a reward for healing one of the chief’s family members!

Source: Dr. A. Kobla Dotse dotse@earthlink.net

Contributors: Dr. David Tay Mad. M. Amitor Aidam Mr. Daniel Dzakpasu Mr. Doe Ladzekpo Anlo kotsie klolo, Anlo gorgor le vii, Du no eme mase emenya, Naketi deka no dzo me bi nu!


 

10 Tips on how to protect yourself from heart breaks

 

Unless you are willing to isolate yourself completely and never form a bond with any other human being, you are likely to experience heartbreak at some time in your life. That, though, is very unlikely, because human beings are naturally very sociable, and there is so much to be gained from relationships. Is heartbreak just something we have to live with, or can we take steps to at least minimise the pain? Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to stop having to have your heart broken too many times, and to make those heartbreaks that you do experience less painful. Here are ten tips on how to protect your heart from heartbreak.

1. Don’t expect that every man you meet will be the one you marry

The first thing you can do, to make love and the heartbreaks that often come with it a little easier to bear, is to avoid rushing into new relationships and avoid blindly trusting every guy you meet. Fairy-tale romances are beautiful to believe in and you can hold a happy image of your future in mind, but don’t expect that every man you meet will be one you settle down with and marry. Life is never quite as simple, as it is in the movies, so listen to your heart as well as your mind, and you won’t be so disappointed if things don’t work out.

2. Use your head, as well as your heart

It is hard not to let your heart rule your head when you fall in love, but you really should try and find a balance if you can. Dating is not only about the great nights out and the fun time. If you are serious about a guy, then it’s about your future too. Try and take a cold, analytical look at the people you date and ask yourself, is he really the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

3. Don’t settle for less than you deserve

You can’t sit on the side-lines, turning down everyone that you meet, but you have the right to be a little bit picky! Don’t jump into serious relationships with guys that you are unsure about and keep your eyes open for their faults. You should only be making commitments to men you are absolutely crazy about, so don’t settle for second best just because you don’t want to be on your own.

4. Don’t let love blind you to the truth

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t mend a broken heart. Don’t ignore he signs that he might be fooling around. It’s so easy to blind yourself to the obvious signs that a guy is messing you around. You tell yourself that ‘he wouldn’t’, ‘he couldn’t’ and ‘it’s not happening’. If you think that your man is playing away, then ask him for the truth, because if you ignore it, it will only make the inevitable breakup even more painful when it comes.

5. Don’t rush into things

Take things steady, even when you think you have met the One. If you go from first kiss, to moving in with him, within a few days, you are likely to be very disappointed. The idea of whirlwind romances sounds wonderful, but they rarely go the distance. If he really is the One, then he’s not going to mind you taking things slowly at first.

6. Talk about the relationship

When you are starting to feel that the relationship could be really going places, make sure that he feels the same way. Try and find out what his plans for the future are, and tell him how you are feeling about the relationship. You don’t want to find yourself saying: ‘But I thought you wanted the same things as I do’.

7. Keep your options open, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship

While cheating or flirting with other guys is never a good idea, you shouldn’t exclude all other members of the opposite sex from your life, just because you are in love with someone. It sounds a bit callous to say, keep your options open, but you really should, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship. You don’t have to completely alienate other men, because you’ve just met Mr Right; just let them know that you are not available, at the moment.

8. Don’t forget your friends

Your friends will be there for you through any number of different relationships, so long as you don’t dump all your friends the moment you fall in love. It’s healthy to have friends outside of a relationship anyway, so stay in touch with them and go out with them sometimes. Don’t make one man your entire world, however much you love him.

9. Listen to what other people are saying

You can date whoever you want, but it is still wise to listen to what other people say about your man. If your friends and family don’t seem to like your guy, there could be very good reasons for that. Sometimes, people who are not in the relationship can see far more, than the person who is in love.

10. Don’t lose sight of your own goals

Love is great; it’s a wonderful feeling, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in your life. Keep your hobbies, interests and follow your own dreams, because you are more than just the other half of a relationship. Your life is your own and, so long as you never lose sight of that, you will always have something else to concentrate on, if love doesn’t quite work out the way you had hoped it would.

Stay happy, love and be loved!

22 Harmful Effects of Masturbation in Guys

 

Harmful effects of Masturbation

Masturbation being a noxious habit is practiced by many people all over the world; it corrupts the life of most of the youngsters nowadays than any other problem they face. Some of them are given wrong information by their friends and are encouraged to masturbate as though they do. The less knowledge about sex and the addicting capacity of the masturbation stands as a valuable reason for this growing habit among the youngsters. They assume masturbation as good for their sexual health and penis enlargement. We are provided with a good hormonal system that governs the enlargement and other activities regarding development of the sex organs.  Some of the youngsters spread wrong information that it is needed for life without fail and some others want to do as it addicts.

We are controlled by three factors (a) Emotional factor, (b) Hormonal factor, (c) Environmental factor; in that the hormonal and environmental factors can only be less changed, where as emotional factor can be controlled to some extent. We need to control us by updating information and by modifying the situations so as to escape from this habit. There is a great urge for youngsters to change their habits before they feel its worse effects. As the media and advertisements are increasing in showing the sex organs for their commercial benefits we too need to check ourselves and maintain a standard that not to go beyond these habits which spoils our life. May be every guy will get a good wife to enjoy sex, till then you can wait so as not to waste your life with this illegal and noxious habit.

Here are some of the harmful effects of masturbation to be considered, kindly read and stop doing masturbation once again. Make your impression in the comments.

  1. Masturbation makes you weak, it drains protein and calcium content in the body

    2.       Masturbation creates nervousness and neurological problems

    3.       Masturbation is one of the main cause for erectile dysfunction.

    4.       Masturbation addicts you even if you taste it for one time. Controlling it is a very big menace.

    5.       Masturbation creates drowsiness; you will be sleeping most of the time after ejaculation of your sperm. You will experience a damn tired.

    6.       Masturbation causes stress and strain in your mind and soul.

    7.       Masturbation also affects us psychologically; it creates depression after ejaculation and makes one feeling bad on his own.

    8.       Getting red hot while masturbating will give a bad name in that environment and it is an indecent activity.

    9.       Masturbation cannot be done simply, it needs to see, touch, indulge or, at last to think of a sexual practice/ sex organ of the opposite sex. This is more harmful that the image in your memory that you see could not be erased easily. This will lead you to a noxious problem that you cannot see any girl/ lady/ women without a single thought i.e., sex.

    10.   Masturbation creates an urge to do indefinitely; it doesn’t see the place, people and culture. It makes you digging worse sexual problems if chance knocks the door.

    11.   Masturbation leads you to illegal contacts because the urge increases day by day and finally will lead to the search of a source for sexual pleasure.

    12.   Masturbation is the main reason for speedy sperm release during sexual intercourse. It will create dissatisfaction to you and to your wife.

    13.   Over masturbation reduces your sperm count. Couples who desire to get pregnant should not masturbate.

    14.   SThe seminal fluid that gets released on masturbation contains proteins that are needed for many metabolic activities and cell formations. Proteins are the building blocks of our body; ejaculation often will create you to be lean and distracts your metabolism of muscle building.

    15.   Ethically masturbation is wrong; you think of X/Y and do sex of your own. This hinders your values and respect for others. You may be are good in all other regards but will end up in a great problem if not concerned to stop this habit.

    16.   Masturbation wastes your time and makes you useless.

    17.   The pleasure of masturbation never lasts for a long time.

    18.   Masturbation creates more problems as you lose your memory and thought-provoking ability.

    19.   Masturbation is not the end of your desire; you may be fooled by your own practice. It will never give you a solution or a satisfaction but seems that it gives.

    20.   It is not needed in any way to your sexual life that it has to be practiced without fail.

    21.   Guys who masturbate will lose interest in sex with their wife very soon. They can’t feel pleasurable for a long time.

    22.   Masturbation induces homosexuals in schools, colleges and hostels. Many times the latter creates sexually transmitted diseases like VD, syphilis, AIDS etc.,

SIGNS A LADY IS SEXUALLY STARVED

Once someone asked me, “how many times a normal person is supposed to have sex within a week?” I told the person it’s normal to have sex twice in a week but more than that won’t hurt you if you’re doing it with the right person. What we need to understand is, especially on the part of the ladies, it takes a man 72 hours to feel horny after emptying his ‘balls’ and a woman a week in a month, that is during her ovulation, but women on the other hand, come in different packages, some actually feel horny during their menstruation but on the average, most women feel horny during ovulation.

So if you’ve been with your partner for 8 months without sex and you expect him or her to still act that charming, you might be kidding yourself.

If you’ve been with your partner for sometime and all of a sudden he’s started acting funny, you need to check the last time you had sex. Interestingly, many women run away from the very thing that’s supposed to cure them of their headaches and stress. So here are some of the signs he or she is probably sex starved.
STRESS;
You wake up on a weekend, you’ve had enough sleep, no task to complete, you have the whole day to yourself but you still feel stressed out like you’ve not slept the whole night or has been working the whole night, you need to take a critical look at the last time you had sex.
You might be skipping the beat but these are indications you’ve probably not had sex in a while.

SLEEPLESSNESS
It’s bedtime and you realize you’ve tossed and turned till 2 a.m. and you can’t just sleep, you’ve taken all the necessary drugs and it still re-occurs, well why not try sex.
Lack of sex can make you have sleepless nights and unnecessary thoughts. Good sex will relax you and make you sleep like a baby. So just in case you realize you’re unable to sleep and he or she is a phone call away, just grab that phone. (Good sex means getting that orgasm).

DEPRESSION
Yes! lack of sex can depress you and that’s the dangerous part of it, especially when one is starved for so long, it can turn into something else. Ever wondered why people rape and kill their victims, that’s how dangerous it can be.
So if you’re with your partner and you’re unable to perform your sexual responsibility as long as 1-3 years, you may be inviting trouble especially if they are the type who can’t cheat. Some will just cheat to ease off and when you’re with someone and they don’t show any of the signs above, the probability they are cheating is very high.

FORGETFULNESS
Here you’re shouting on top of your voice for your socks or car keys and you realize you have it in your hand. You find yourself walking on the street when you actually wanted to pick something from the bedroom. You want to brush your teeth and you find yourself lifting a sponge instead of the toothbrush.
You need to check your sex life, something could be missing. If you’re with your partner and also notice some of these things and you know you’ve ignored them sexually, it’s about time you have to jump in, all he or she could need is sex.

MELANCHOLY
For no reason you have this feeling of pensive sadness with no obvious cause, some kind of emptiness you can’t explain or you notice your partner is so quite and moody but when you ask him or her if there’s anything wrong, they tell you it’s nothing and it has been like that for weeks, you need to try and give him or her that sex and check again if it persists and if symptoms persist even after hours of sex bout, consult a doctor (just kidding) but you will notice the feeling of sadness will disappear and you will know you’ve solved the problem and like I said, not everything needs a pill.
LAZINESS
You’re sharp, always making sure your room is tidy but for some reasons which you can’t point out, you notice you’ve been sluggish, hardly being able to put things right. You feel dull and inactive, a good sex might be all that you need.
Not having sex for so long makes you dull and empty and from what we’ve discussed above it’s obvious laziness will creep in.
QUARRELSOME
You notice the slightest thing becomes irritating to you and you start picking quarrel every now and then, check your “sexodometer”, you might need to speed it up.
You shouting at drivers in traffic on your way home, picking quarrels with your wife or husband etc. relax and try to reflect on the last time you had sex and if it’s been that long, try going for it.
It’s been proven that lack of sex can make men and women more irritable over all. If lately you’re the one who’s always starting something, an extra romp or two with your boo could help.

LACK OF CONFIDENCE
Good sex can boost your self esteem, research shows. If you think your confidence at home and work could use a boost, you may want to head to the bedroom.
Ever wondered why prostitutes are so confident and absolutely not shy? They are always at it, but that’s not the kind of sex we discussing here though, but note that good sex increases your confidence.

SEX FANTASIES
You find yourself fantasizing about sex all the time, you even feel like calling your ex. Any man or woman you meet suddenly looks attractive, then you should know you’re on the edge and need to fix it immediately. Your mind seem to be full of sexual thoughts.
This is the point where you can easily cheat or do something risky. In the case of men, frequent erections at even the slightest smile from a lady is a typical indication you need to romp.

RESTLESSNESS
You’re sitting at the hall, changing channels and don’t really know which channel to stick to, you leave the remote, walk to the bedroom, leave the bedroom, walk to the kitchen, don’t know whether to fix yourself a snack or not. You end up drinking water, back to the hall, you’ve sat on all the sofa in the hall, you stretch, sit upright, lie down, wake up. You just don’t know what you’re doing.
You realize you’re absolutely restless, check the last time you romp, it could be all that you need.

 

MIGRAINE:
Many women will use headache as an excuse to skip sex, but the funny thing is, the very thing they are running from is the cure to their ailment. Sex has been proven to actually cure headaches and migraines. The release of endophins are the secret to curing your headaches.
When a woman achieves orgasm, they feel relaxed and sleep a lot and after waking up, your whole body rejuvenates and so that’s the reason why you actually need sex when you feel you have a headache.

ANGER

If your partner whom you know to be so patient starts getting angry at the least provocation, then you need to take a second look at your sex life. Sex has been proven to release hormones that relaxes you and above all makes you happy.

To experiment this, stay away from sex with your partner for about 4 months and take note of all his rantings and the things that makes him explode, then give him exactly what he’s been yearning for and now do all the things that made him angry earlier and notice the difference. What used to easily make him angry will now be normal to him and you will be wondering why he was angry at the same thing earlier on.

Sex makes you happy and takes away that gloominess. That’s why it’s easy to slap a man during foreplay and he will still smile, but try that when he’s sex-starved. A word to the wise.

​How to Improve your Sexual Life

 

Are you having a satisfying, pleasurable sex life? Or the spice of sex has already left your bedroom? Do not worry! This is quite a common problem with most of the couples today.  Tedious routine, ever- increasing level of competition and pressure at work, quotidian chores and messy life often take away your interest, mood and energy for having pleasurable sex. Various toys, oils, fragrances, apparels are available these days to enhance your interest in your sexual activities.

 

Mentioned below are some very interesting sex tips that you may use to improve your sex life.

 

Communication:

 

Salacious and spicy conversation works as a propellant for your sex drive. Indulge in interesting conversation about your sex life with your partner. Put forward your expectations and desires that you would want to fulfill or share your fantasies. Flirt a little to develop their as well as your interest in sex. As a listener too, try not to accuse, disregard their feelings, or complain. Have a happy, sorted-out conversation about all those factors that you think can improve your sex life.

 

Try new things:

 

New positions, new ambiance, new places and new lingerie, any sort of pleasant change is good to set the mood. Make efforts to make it different from the last time, this will bring more spice to your sexual pleasures.

 

Pleasurable oral sex

 

Take your foreplay all the more exciting and pleasurable with good oral sex. Instead of getting excessively sloppy, try to make slower and softer movements. Discover their body and figure out their sexually sensitive spots. Allow your partner to lead you with directions, so that you do exactly what he or she wants.

 

Exercise to stay fit:

 

Passionate sex demands cardio endurance. Regularly go for running, walking or swimming and try lifting lighter weights. Remember that while trying different sex position, you must be physically fir with high level of endurance. Also your body should be quite flexible to try various complicated yet pleasurable positions. Yoga and stretching is apt to gain flexible position.

 

It is about what you eat:

 

Your sex drive also relies on what you eat. No matter how seductive does wine, chocolates or other such stuff sound, they are not of much help physically. Food such as mackerel, salmon and wild salmon that contains high in Omega-3 fatty acids are good. Men should try L-Arginine rich food such as oatmeal, cashews, diary, garlic, soybeans, walnuts, ginseng, chickpeas, root vegetables and seeds.

 

Set the mood:

 

It is obvious that you would not be able to perform and enjoy with a disturbed or frustrated mind. Hence, having relaxed mind is very important for good sex. Try to set sexy ambiance with balanced use of candles, dim lights, special room fresheners, seductive fragrances and etc.

 

 

 

Use toys or lubricants to enhance the experience:

 

Spice up your foreplay with vibrators, jelly and other sex toys to be. However, while using these, ensure that both you and your partner are comfortable with it. Chocolate body paints, chains and cufflinks are quite popular props used by couples in bed for an extra push.

 

Get spontaneous:

 

Instead of planning out and taking out time, you may try to be spontaneous. This superbly exhilarating and also entice your partner to have unplanned sex. Try having sex at unusual places like kitchen or your couch. Choose complicated timing like when your spouse is getting ready for work or etc.

 

Time for sex:

 

Make time for sex. Do not fall under the impression that you can allow your sex drive to reach the max in the night only. Remember that morning or afternoon sex is as much fun and pleasurable as evening sex. If you are seriously falling short of time then indulge in pleasant sex talks, cuddling and kissing with your partner, so that they get to know that you are interested in sex.

 

Summary:

 

Today, every couple wishes to and is able to expand their romantic arsenal and make their sex life much more exciting and exhilarating with the inclusion of various sexual tips like sensual oils, erotic costumes, sex toys and etc.

 

Please don’t forget to like this page for more dating tips / inspirational messages for a healthy and long lasting relationships daily on your timeline.

Twitter @R_talk1

​CLUES YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It can be really unnerving when you’re in a relationship and you’re not sure if your partner is just in a super grumpy mood, or they actually are trying to drop clues that he or she wants to end your relationship. And while the good news is that nine times out of 10, this scenario is just you having an insecure week, or your partner having an extra stressful week, or possibly the two combined, with a sour cherry on top in the form of some sort of recent big fight or other drama

— sometimes, when things feel off, they are legit off and it’s time to give your relationship some serious attention.

Maybe your partner has been skulking around with a scowl on their face, and you have no idea why. Or maybe they are way quicker to anger lately, or they don’t seem to be very present when you’re around, or they just seem totally over it and you’re not sure why. All of these may seem like hints that they’re on their way out, but sometimes the mind can play tricks, and blow small things way out of proportion. So here are Clues that your partner is thinking of ending

your relationship, courtesy of relationship experts.

.

  1. YOU ARE NO LONGER A PRIORITY

“When a person stops having the time or desire to be with you, then you know that your relationship is on life support system, and that you might just have to be the one who has the guts to pull the plug,” relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, tells Bustle. It feels awful to have someone hanging around now and then who isn’t really available and is always looking for an out. “If you keep hearing how he or she is too busy with work, family, friends and other

obligations to spend time with you,” that sucks, and if they’re adding, ‘we’ll get together soon,’ they’re just giving you lip service, she says. “Just tell this person that this isn’t what you signed on for,” she adds. And be real about why you’re peacing out. “Let them know that you’ll be moving on, and if you should still be available when their life lightens up, then you might give this thing another try,” she says. But whatever you do, don’t just sit there. “Keep in mind, that when someone is really into you, they put you on the top of the list, and

make time for you,” Sansone-Braff says. “Nothing stands in the way: They’d walk five miles through a snowstorm to see you, because that’s how much they miss you.” If that’s just not happening, that’s OK — find someone who does feel that way about you.

.

  1. THEY AVOID YOU

Breakups are tough, and some people find that actually telling their partner they want to call it quits is too hard. Instead, they choose the path of avoidance rather than being direct and honest about their feelings.

If your partner is suddenly canceling all your plans or changing the conversation whenever a serious topic comes up, they may want out but not know how to tell you. If you notice this happening, it’s time to bring this behavior to their attention.

.

  1. THEY’RE BEING SECRETIVE

The partner who’s having a secret affair or hiding feelings is a common movie trope. You know how the story goes. If you notice your significant other sneakily checking their phone, quickly logging out of Facebook, going out with strange friends or not sharing their plans, look at the bigger picture of what those moves might mean.

.

  1. THEY CUT BACK ON THEIR COMMUNICATION

When communication between the two partners in the relationship is strong, it means the relationship is buzzing. But when communication is nonexistent, then it points to the fact that the relationship is also nonexistent. A partner who wants out will first of all cut off every form of communication. You call and they don’t answer. You text and it goes unreplied. If your partner is cutting back your daily communication, then you may want to wonder why.

When a person is unsure of a relationship, it’s common to slowly reduce the amount of contact they have with their partner.

.

  1. THERE’S PRECISELY NO FUTURE-TRIPPING

You and your partner used to spend hours planning your lives together. From marriage and kids to moving in together and worldly vacations, there was no shortage of future plans. Suddenly these talks are no longer. It’s true that the future can be scary, but if your partner is shunning these conversations, then it may be time to ask why.

.

  1. THEY’VE STOPPED MAKING AN EFFORT

Relationships require effort from both partners. Whether this means planning date nights or making up after an argument, putting effort into a relationship is how people show they care for each other.

If your partner has stopped trying, it might be a sign that they’re thinking about leaving. Missing anniversaries or blowing off other special occasions could be their way of letting you know they’re ready to move on.

.

  1. THEY STOP BEING A PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP

All these previous signs point to one thing – that partner isn’t part of the relationship. A relationship without communication, love and commitment isn’t a relationship at all – and in their minds, they are already out of the relationship.

.

A continuous show of these signs could indeed point to the fact that your partner is fed up of the relationship and is looking for an escape route.

.

Don’t forget to click here and like our page for more dating tips for a healthy and long lasting relationships daily on your timeline. 

Twitter @R_talk1

39 ANCIENT WISDOM TIPS FOR SINGLES ON MARRIAGE

  1. Wedding is a day but marriage is a lifetime .

  2. A stingy man who is single will still be stingy when married.

  3. Silence never be misquoted.

  4. If you want have what no one has had, you must do what no one has done.

  5. When God wants to bless you, He puts a person in your life. When Satan wants to destroy you, he puts a person in your life.

  6. It is better to be single and alone than to be married to the wrong person.

  7. Avoid a contentious woman.

  8. 3 men to avoid:

a. A hot tempered man.

b. A womanizer.

c. A drunkard.
9. Marrying a comedian does not guarantee a happy marriage.

  1. Never be yoked to anyone who will not be yoked to God.
  2. 3 words that echo peace in a marriage:

a. I love you .

b. I am sorry.

c. Thank you.
12. Don’t waste your time meditating or dwelling on your singleness.

  1. Cohabitation is a recipe for marital failure .

  2. Deal with anti-marriage dreams.

  3. Masturbation is destruction.

  4. Marriage without friendship is like a sky without the sun.

  5. If you rush into marriage, you may end up with someone who will bury your destiny.

  6. A successful marriage is always a triangle : God, a man and a woman.

  7. Why you marry is as important as who you marry.

  8. Much happiness in life depends on your marital choice.

  9. A man needs divine wisdom from God in choosing who to marry.

  10. Do not place your priority on good looks; no woman is ugly, she just needs rebranding.

  11. 3 major characteristics to look for in a woman:

a. Fear of God.

b. Wisdom.

c. Discretion (beauty is vanity).
24. The best way to enslave a woman is to show her love excessively – as a rule, women don’t run away from where they’re pampered.

  1. Love is not blind; infatuation and lust are blind.

  2. Love puts God first, lust puts sex first.

  3. Test every love with your peace of mind, if it is absent, God is not there.

  4. If you are a true friend, you will attract true friends.

  5. Caring hearts never lack caring hands.

  6. Desperation leads to frustration.

  7. Bad marriages can be avoided before they begin.

  8. Keep yourself pure and your bed undefiled.

  9. It is spiritual insanity to plan to convert someone so you can marry the person.

  10. Wage war against the devil that fought your parents’ marriage.

  11. Marriage is a covenant, always look before you leap.

  12. It is better to be single and believing God to be married than to be married and believing in God to be single.

  13. A broken courtship is better than a failed marriage.

  14. Do not marry money or property, marry a person.

  15. Be presentable
    Hit #LIKE #COMMENT & #SHARE

​A  MUST READ. TEARS IN MY EYES AS I READ THIS…

A very poor newly wedded, young couple lived in a small farm. One day the husband made the following proposal to his wife:
Honey, I will leave the house: I will travel faraway, get a job and work hard in order to come back and give you the comfortable life that you deserve. I do not know how long I will stay away, I only ask one thing, please wait for me, and while I am away, you should be faithful to me, because I will be faithful to you. His wife agreed, so the young man left. He walked many days until he found a farmer who was in need of someone to help him. The young man offered his services. He was accepted. Therefore he discussed the terms with his boss:
Let me work for as long as I want and when I think I should go home, please relieve me of my duties. I do not want to receive my salary. I ask you to save it for me, until the day I leave. The day I decide to go, please give me the money and I will go my way. They agreed on that. So, the young man worked for twenty years without holiday and without rest. After twenty years, he came to his boss and said:
Boss, I want my money, because I am returning to my home. The boss replied:
All right, after all, I made a deal with you and I will stick to it. However, before you go I want to offer you something new: I will give you all your money and send you away; or I will give you 3 pieces of advice and send you away. If I give you money, you lose the 3 pieces of advice. If I give you the 3 pieces of advice, you lose the money. Now, go to your room and think about your answer. He thought for two days. Then he went to the boss and told him:
I want the 3 pieces of advice. The boss stressed again, if I give you the 3 pieces of advice, I will not give you the money, and the man replied:
I want the 3 pieces of advice. 
The boss then told him:
No. 1: Never take shortcuts in your life, shorter and unknown paths can cost your life. No. 2: Never be too curious, for curiosity towards evil can be deadly. No. 3: Never make decisions in moments of anger or pain, because when you repent, it could be too late. After giving these 3 pieces of advice, the boss said to him:

Here, you have 3 loaves of bread, 2 are for you to eat during the journey and the last is for you to eat with your wife when you get home. So, the man went his way, after twenty years away from home and from his wife, whom he loved so much. After the first day of travel, he found a man who greeted him and asked:
Where are you going? 
He replied:

To a distant place which is about 20 days away if I continue walking. The man said to him:

Ol’ boy, this path is too long! I know a shortcut that is very safe and you will arrive in 5 days only. The man began to follow the path suggested until he remembered the first piece of advice. Then, he returned and followed the long path. Days later he learned that the shortcut led to an ambush.

.

.

.
After a few more days of travel, he found an inn by the roadside, where he could rest. He paid for a room and after taking a bath he lay down to sleep. During the night he woke up as he heard a terrifying scream. He rose to his feet and went to the door to check what happened. As he was opening the door, he remembered the second piece of advice. Therefore he returned, lay down again and slept. At dawn, after breakfast, the owner of the lodging asked him if he had not heard the scream at night. He affirmed that he heard. Then, the host said:

Were you not curious to see what happened? And he replied:
No, I was not. 
Then the host said:
You are the first guest to leave this inn alive. My neighbour is completely crazy. He usually shouts at night to call someone’s attention. When some of the guests come out, he kills them and buries their bodies in the backyard. The man continued his long journey, eager to arrive soon.

.

.

.
After many days and nights walking, he was very tired, but he finally saw his house far away. It was night. He saw some light coming out of the window of his house and was able to see the silhouette of his wife. But he also saw that she was not alone. He came closer and saw there was a man with her. She softly caressed his hair. When he saw that scene, his heart was filled with hatred and bitterness. He decided to rush at and kill them both mercilessly. However, he took a deep breath and he remembered the third piece of advice. Then he stopped, reflected and decided to sleep outside that night. He slept in the midst of the bushes, determined to make a decision the next day. At dawn, he was calmer and thought:

I will not kill my wife and her lover. I am going back to my boss to ask him to take me back. But before I go, I want to tell my wife that I have always been faithful to her.

.

.

.
He went to the front door and knocked. When his wife opened the door and recognized him, she cried and embraced him warmly. He tried to push her away, but he

was not able. Then, with tears in his eyes he told her:
I was faithful to you but you betrayed me.

She was shocked, so she replied:

How did I betray you? I have never betrayed you. I waited patiently for you for twenty good years. Then he asked:
How about the man that you were caressing yesterday? 
And she said:
That man is your son. When you left, I discovered I was pregnant. Today he is twenty years old. Hearing that, the man asked her forgiveness. He met and hugged his son. Then he told them all the things he had experienced while away. Meanwhile, his wife prepared some coffee for them to eat together, the last bread given by his boss. 

.

.

.
After a prayer of thanksgiving, he broke the bread. When he looked at it, he found all his money inside. In fact, there was even more than the right payment for his twenty years of dedication and hard work.

.

.

.
Friends, our God is like this boss. When he asks us to make a sacrifice, he wants to give us more than what we give Him. He wants us to have His unique wisdom as well as the

material blessings. Someone sent this piece to me and it blessed me and I shared it to you. also share with others …
Please,SHARE This Post On Your Timeline Or To At least 3 Facebook Groups For Others To Read too & God Will Bless You And Don’t Forget To click here and like My Page For More Dating tips for a healthy and long lasting relationships. 

Twitter @R_talk1 

 

4 Signs Your Are With The Wrong Guy

Sometimes it is necessary to find out if you’re really with Mr. Right or not. Check out these five signs.


1. He Doesn’t Talk About 
The Future.
Guys do talk about the future with the person
they want to spend their lifetime with, So If your
guy doesn’t talk about it at all, then he is of no
good to you, quit and move on than get wasted
by him.

2 He Has No Ambition.
A man with no ambition is man of no use in the
future, he nothing to provide you years to come, this kind of man isn’t worth it. A real man who wants to spend his life with you must have
goals and ambitions for the future, If he doesn’t
then stay away from such kind of men.

3 He Doesn’t Stay Over.
After maybe you too had fun, like making love or
any other kind of fun and he doesn’t wanna stay
over and spend little time with you, he is of no Good to you now or in the future quit and get out of that relationship.

4 He doesn’t take you on dates. 

Your guy will at least take you out on a date to have fun, it doesn’t have to be every weekends but at least he should take you out once to have fun, if your guy hasn’t done this since you two dated then quit now!

​ADVICE TO MEN ABOUT THEIR PREGNANT WIVES

Men, today I want us to discuss about PREGNANCY.
Do you know that certain things you do when your wife is pregnant actually contributes to state of health of the mother and unborn child??
Listen, it bothers me a lot when I see men showing no concern to their pregnant wife or fail to adjust to some temporary changes.

It’s just 9 months, not like it’s forever. Pregnancy is not bought in the market, neither is it a software downloaded from the internet. It’s a seed planted by you germinating. There has to be a carrier of that seed while it grows, and women have been given the responsibility to carry it.
Pregnancy is preparation to welcome a new member into the family. Pregnancy is a journey fun filled, amazing etc.
Women differ in body changes. Although Pregnancy makes women do certain things in common.
■Once in a while she would nag

■Once in a while she would request for things unimaginable e.g she wants to eat okro and bread

■Once in a while she would get so lazy to make you your meals

■Once in a while she would want to stretch her legs on your laps. Please pardon her… carrying the baby ain’t easy.

Her needs may be unsatisfiable at times.

The first Tri_mester of the journey can be so annoying. Like I say women differ from each other during pregnancy.

●While most women are busy vomiting.

●Most of them sleep like water leaf, they sleep off anywhere with the slightest chance even in the kitchen.

●While most women have fever.

●Most women be looking cranky and dry like Dustin powder.

●While most women add up weight.

●Most women appear like burnt offerings.

●Some even go round with White handkerchief spitting in it. ALL THESE ARE STILL YOUR WORK…..
Please tolerate this, it’s beautiful afterwards.

Her attitude becomes annoying, most times you cant stand her. But I get annoyed when I see men neglect their pregnant wife. She’s not an abomination, neither is she a curse. I must say, it’s not an easy journey for all.
The last Tri_mester is when you need to be extra patient, loving, enduring and understanding.
NOTE 1) Always observe your wife’s feet while pregnant, it swells often. Please give her a basin of water to soak her leg once in a

while, it’s one of the best treat women enjoy during pregnancy.

2) Ask her regularly how she feels and how the baby is. She’s the carrier so she feels him/her move.

3) Tell her how beautiful she looks during pregnancy e.g ” Honey see as the pregnancy make you fine, I will be impregnating you every month ooo” or even “is it my child that makes you fresh like this pass normal” Even if she has grown bigger in size cause of the pregnancy, celebrate her.

4) Don’t be upset if she ever wakes you up by 2am to help massage her feet. You need to feel little of her discomfort and pain. She shouldn’t carry it alone, it’s your baby you need to carry it together. (I don’t mean physical carriage though).

5) No rule book stopped sex during pregnancy, in short it’s the best sef…. do it. It’s not like the vagina stopped working during pregnancy. o boy continue the work that brings the pregnancy.

6) Don’t be ashamed to take her out. Take her out once in a while to those lovie dovie places you used to go together. They love it…
Most times I wonder what crosses the heart of men when they see their pregnant wives. Carrying a child for 9 months isn’t easy.

I urge all men to get closer to their spouses during pregnancy because that’s one of the times she needs you most.

A big shout out to all men who fully stand by their wives during pregnancy. God bless you all.

​THE ART OF LOVING AND THE JOY OF BEING LOVED.(Gen 2:24-25)

SEX IS NOT INTIMACY. It can be a part of intimacy. But sex does not equal intimacy. Yet almost every reference to intimacy in our modern culture is a reference to sex. Intimacy is the one thing that a person cannot live happily without. We can live happily without new cars and designer clothes, but we cannot live happily without intimacy.

WHAT IS INTIMACY? It is the process of mutual self revelation that inspire us to give ourselves completely to another person in the mystery we call love. LIFE IS A SELF REVELATION. We reveal ourselves to the people around us in a different ways. Everything we say and do reveals something about who we are.

Relationships are also a process of self revelation. But we often spend our tine and energy hiding our true selves from each other in relationships. This is the reason we struggle for intimacy. We want intimacy, but we avoid it. We want it badly, but we run from it. Why? Bcos having intimacy means exposing your secrets. Being intimacy means sharing the secrets of our hearts.

Intimacy requires that you allow another person to discover what moves you, what eats you up, what you are running from and what you are running toward.

MY GREATEST GIFT – Is to be willing to take off the mask and let down your guard, to set aside your pretenses and to share what is shaping you and directing your life. Intimacy is a complete and unrestrained of self.

IMAGINE LIVING YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND NEVER BEING REALLY KNOWN BY ANYBODY.

Relationships keep us honest. They provide the mirrors necessary to see and know ourselves. Isolated and alone, we can convince ourselves of all sorts of crazy things, but other people keep it real for us by drawing us out of our own imaginary worlds. They don’t allow us to deceive ourselves. Relationships help to make us out of our illusions and into reality. (read, Phil 2:5-8; 1john 4:18)

Love, Sex, Marriage, Episode Stories, General News, Health Tips, Religious, Information technology news